The Final Roll Call

Yesterday I attended a Memorial Service with hundreds of others celebrating and honoring the life of a local soldier who was killed in Afghanistan last month. When I heard the news of this tragedy six weeks ago, I was completely shaken. The sister of the fallen hero is a coworker of mine and we spoke about when our guys would get home every single day. Now all of a sudden, from one day to the next, her soldier would not be coming home the way anybody anticipated.

The following week or two were without a doubt the hardest two weeks of the deployment for me, so far. I knew that thousands of military families had lost their loved ones in the past ten years, but I had never seen it happen to a family I knew first hand. It was a struggle for that family, and will always be a heartbreaking loss for them. It is important that their sacrifice is never forgotten.

The service was a beautiful tribute to the soldier's life and very emotional to sit through. I felt it was important to show my support for the family and to honor them and their soldier in any way I could. I cried during bits and pieces of the ceremony, but it wasn't until the end that I really let go and let myself sob.

The ceremony of The Final Roll call is usually done right before the twenty-one gun salute (at the funeral; which in this case had taken place in Georgia a few weeks ago) as a way to symbolize the absence of the fallen soldier. The names of soldiers present are called off and they respond. Then the name of the fallen is called in three forms with no reply.

Private Smith

"Here, Sergeant!"

Specialist Jones

"Here, Sergeant!"

Private Brown

"Here, Sergeant!"

Sergeant Doe

Silence

Sergeant John Doe

Silence

Sergeant John Adam Doe

Silence

(Even though the names have been released to the public, no real names were used here)



Watching "Sgt. Doe's" widow hunch over and cry aloud as they started the roll call was perhaps the most heartbreaking thing I've seen in my life. This is without a doubt the worst part of military life. Please pray for the families of those who have sacrificed so much for our great nation, so that we can choose to live our lives the way we do. They need all the strength they can possibly receive, and deserve more respect than is humanly possible to give.

(special thank you to Dana for helping me with this beautiful tribute)

RANGER +1 Year

Today I'm just happy. I got a solid 10 emails in with Andrew this morning after I woke up and before communication got shut off; we seem to be out of the path of Hurricane Irene; I met with and put a deposit down for my florist for our wedding (she is wonderful, and sees everything exactly the way I do- I couldn't be more thrilled about using her and would be more than happy to recommend her to any brides who are still looking); and, a year ago today was the happiest moment of my life (to that point).

It's amazing how much can change in a year. I was Andrew's girlfriend, I had just been through the longest summer of my life (or so I thought) hanging on every letter, dashing to the mailbox as soon as I got home from work (twice on days that I stopped home for lunch), and never knowing exactly what was going on in Andrew's world. On this date, 365 days ago, I had the honor to pin that Ranger Tab on my soldier's shoulder. I don't know that I've ever had a prouder moment. He had worked so hard for that tab, and every lonely night and re-read letter was completely, totally, 150 million percent worth it to see that smile on his face when I told him "you did it babe, no matter what, nobody can ever take this away from you, Congratulations, Ranger!"

And now, here we are. A full year later. I am no longer Andrew's girlfriend... I'm his fiancee and planning our wedding while he is deployed. It's days like today that make me so happy... remembering the joy we felt last year, not only at the graduation ceremony, but also two days before when I surprised him on his 8 hour pass. Literally the moment I saw him I screamed and nothing else mattered. That goofy grin on his face, shaking his head as we pushed through the sea of dirty camo and reunions all around us trying to get to one another; that moment made every tear and every worry I had had that summer disappear. Being apart didn't matter- we were together for that moment.

When people say to me "I don't know how you do it" or "well, I could never do that", I actually feel sorry for them. They don't feel the love I feel, they don't get to prove to their significant other every day how much they care. The military tests relationships, the strong survive and the weak falter, and we are lucky enough to not only have survived the tests the military as thrown our way, but we have grown from them. 

I love our life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love that my future-husband stands up and fights for what he believes in, and will do anything possible to attain his goals, even when the road is not easy. The separations and voids I feel from him being gone are filled by the happy faces and giggles of six beautiful little children that will tell you all the pride they can possibly muster: "my uncle is a RANGER! He's fighting in Afghanistan so that we can be safe!"

Well this post got long and mushy in a hurry. Definitely not my intention, but you get what you get, I guess. I suppose all I'm really trying to say is that I can't believe a year has gone by, and I am so excited for this time next year when I will officially be Mrs. Ranger.

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 32

Usually I hate blogs that are just a long laundry list of updates, but you gotta break a few rules every now and then dontcha? Plus I have a Harry Potter book calling my name that I won't let myself dive into until I am done with this post, so this just makes life a little bit easier! (I think I just heard the collective "hooray!" of my roommates from college for finally giving into the HP cult. I know I'm a little late, but I left off halfway through the 5th book years and years ago so I decided to start completely over. I'm almost done with book 1 now and I'm hoping to have the entire series complete by homecoming. Is that too ambitious? Only time will tell I guess!)

So I'm trying something new this week. 5 positives in 5 words or less:

1. "Survived" first earthquake- total joke
2. Met with Minister about Wedding 
3. Beat Personal Bowling Record- 154!!
4. Fantasy Football Draft on Tuesday
5. R&R: Counting weeks, not months

That was horrible. I mean it probably wasn't all peaching and cream for you to read, but for me to write so few words was basically torture. I should know myself better than that, but at least I got 5 positives this week instead of searching for just one!

So with that I am off to bed with my big warm woobie and snuggling up with a little witchcraft and wizardry to keep me cozy! Sounds like a great start to the weekend to me!

My Marching Aunts!

I know I've written a lot about how amazing and supportive Andrew's entire family has always been, and not just during deployment and Ranger School, but all the time, but I just have to brag a little bit more about my soon-to-be in-laws. After all, what's the point of being spoiled if you can't share your joy with others, right?

On Friday after a long week of work, I came home to a bright red gift bag on the kitchen table. I didn't think much of it until mom said that it was a special gift just for me. I knew it would be a good one when she wouldn't let me open it until she got her phone to take a picture!

I waited patiently (something nearly impossible for me to do when I know that something exciting is about to happen. also why I know the last month of deployment is going to drag on for-ev-er) for her to get the phone then first opened the paper rolled up and taped together with American Flag stickers.

The aunts go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!

The aunts go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!

The aunts go marching one by one,

They stopped to make the countdown fun

And they all go marching around and around....

Still slightly confused, I opened the other wrapped portion of the gift and started tearing up almost immediately. My favorite picture of Andrew out on a patrol a few months ago looking as happy as I had ever seen him before, in a frame that said "My Hero".

Thank you so much, Aunt Mary, Aunt Kathy and Aunt Lori! You guys are the greatest, I am so lucky to have you as family members, bowling teammates and friends!

Moral of the story: my in-laws are better than yours. And I'm not sorry!

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 31

This week, for the first time, we had our very first realistic conversation about Andrew's Midtour leave. Scratch that. Not one conversation. Conversations, multiple conversations. (that was for you, honey) It pretty much occupies my every thought at this point. The good news is it got moved up a few weeks, and I feel like it kind of snuck up on me. Then I re-think it and I realize that this has been long time coming.

I'll preach the whole OPSEC thing again and tell you that I can't say when he'll be home, but it wouldn't matter anyways because whatever date the Army tells us is the only date within probably a three week span that has exactly ZERO probability of Andrew actually coming home on. This time that's actually a good thing though, I'm hoping for it to get pushed back as far as possible so that we have less left on the back end. 

I get so excited when I think about Andrew actually being home. It's actually a nice treat that we get to be so excited about the little things. What other couples get this anxious and excited about a simple dinner date or watching a baseball game together. Honestly, all I want to do is ride around in the truck flying down back roads with the country on as loud as it can go just singing the wrong words and laughing together. That's what I miss, spending time with my best friend. I keep telling myself it's right around the corner, but that just makes it seem like soooo far away.

On another note, does anybody know how to video record a skype of oovoo call? We have a little project we are working on for a friend but we need to record skype to make it happen. Any advice would be much appreciated!

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 30

Life in the Sandbox

Sometimes it's hard for people (including myself) to imagine what it is really like all the way over there in Afghanistan. With Andrew's move and job change (yay!) came a more reliable internet and a much easier way for him to send pictures! It's pretty exciting to say the least. Of course nothing will ever be as easy as it used to be when Andrew was Stateside and he could just snap a quick cell phone picture and I'd have it within sixty seconds- these suckers took about 40 minutes to download... each! Totally worth it though to see what he sees day in and day out.

This is what it looks like on the COP, all the buildings lined up with beautiful landscaping and exterior designs on each building. I'm not kidding- sometimes I actually think they sent him to the moon and that's where he's living. Look at the ground!

This building is where the PLs and PSGs live. All the other troops sleep in 12 man tents.

Here is the gym. Can't even imagine trying to get in a decent workout at a place like that, but somehow they do!

Next, you'll notice the beautiful wrap around farmer's porch.... 

(Actually I'm not sure which building this is, but I love the RANGER Tab! - Maybe someday I'll have a guest blogger to tell us all a little more!)
Update: According to Andrew this is the building his office is in.

And here is the inside of that office...

These are Andrew's living quarters. The poncho is his door to the hallway leading to the other guys' rooms. And here is the edge of the cot with a wonderfully tactical shelving unit. To the right you see a woobie hanging that serves as a curtain to what I assume is the other PL's room.

This concludes our tour of Andrew's COP. Hopefully this helped you get a clearer picture of what the living conditions are like for many of our troops overseas. The bigger FOBs usually have better gyms and DFACs (Dining Facilities) and more comforts of home, but most combat arms troops live in outposts such as this one. It's no wonder so many soldiers literally kiss the ground when they set foot on American Soil once again. 

Probably the best feeling in the world

... Would have to be a surprise skype call from Afghanistan right before bedtime! I really don't think anything in the world could make me any happier at this point than seeing Andrew's face AND hearing his voice at the same time... Something so easy to take for granted.

I didn't even know my iPhone was capable of making video calls, but Andrew was trying to sent me another picture of life in the sandbox via skype chat (I knew that feature worked on my phone) when all of a sudden he started calling! Unfortunately (for him) my contacts were already out and I had already washed my face so I looked a little less presentable than I would have liked to, but who cares? It was so nice to just have a small chit-chat talk for three or four minutes! I've missed that so much!

Soooo as I tuck myself into bed with my acu pillow and woobie, I am once again thankful for the miracles of technology and for the best investment I've ever made: my iPhone!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 29

Well what do you know, I'm still slacking on my blogging. No excuse except a good clean fun all-American summer. Last week we were at Stone Harbor, New Jersey (although I only went for the last few days because I had to work) with the whole extended Dolan family. Unfortunately we forgot cardboard Andrew here... It would have been way more fun to have the real guy with us though. Instead we decided to pay tribute to our favorite soldier by dubbing our set up at the beach FOB Dolan:




Pretty sweet, right?!? Plus we thought that with eleven children under the age of 10, this would be a great way for any of our little wanderers to find their way back to the family! Plus it made me beam with pride every SINGLE time that flag caught my eye!

When we returned home life returned to normal. I was thankful to have the family home (being home alone is DEFINITELY not as much fun as Macully Culkin (spelling is totally off, but you get the idea) makes it out to be) and also so excited to flip the page on yet another month of this horrid 2011. August is finally here and I couldn't be happier!!






Today is probably my favorite day since Andrew has left. Not only does it mark the 200th day of deployment, but August 4th will forever be a special day for us. On this day 366 days from now (2012 is a leap year, the irony is not lost on me. Remind me to thank the universe for that extra little reminder that I'm not in control of anything in my life) Andrew and I will be married. I am absolutely overjoyed that I finally am within a year of our wedding date and that now the real countdown can begin. Some people might not think a pre-versary is worthy of celebration, but ummmm hello?!? I'll take any excuse to celebrate the days going by at this point, plus it's SUPER EXCITING!!!!

To celebrate, a few of us went to look for wedding gowns today! It was so fun and something about wedding dress shopping can turn any day around! I am one lucky girl. I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful things to look forward to in the next year and so many more in the future. I have a man who loves me very much and even though I don't get to see him as often as I would like, I know that he is living his dream, and I am so proud of him for that.

I can't wait to marry my best friend, my true love and my hero one year from today! Nothing (except possibly his safe return home to me this winter) could make me happier.

NWY