Day 355. . . Utter Relief

Okay, okay... I think I've taken a long enough hiatus from blogging. Believe me though, you would have done the exact. same. thing. if you were in my shoes.

So far, 2012 has been nothing short of magical. Part of me still doesn't believe that this is all real; that everything I have been hoping and praying for for so long is finally here. But guess what? IT IS! And I couldn't be happier!

As our first deployment began to wind down, I noticed myself getting more and more impatient with everything that had just become "normal life" for the past year. I was over it, 8 Main Body flights with thousands of soldiers had already come home to Fort Knox, and I was ready for it to be our turn.

On Tuesday, January 3, 2012 I started the 599.6 mile journey to Louisville. It was a long drive, but totally worth it when I got to our apartment and had days to get everything cleaned and ready for my soldier's return.

On Wednesday Morning, I got my 72 hour notice call, letting me know that Andrew's flight was scheduled and that the homecoming ceremony for Main Body 9 would be on Friday Evening! I wanted so badly to shout it from the rooftops, announce it on every social media outlet on earth, and text everyone I knew. It was so hard to follow OPSEC and keep this information mainly to myself, but I did it, not only to keep the soldiers safe, but also to ensure that and OPSEC violation wouldn't further delay the flight.

The next few days were long, as I watched more friends return home to their loved ones, and finally Andrew's family arrived in Louisville on Friday afternoon. We had pizza at the apartment, and waited for what seemed like an eternity for my 4 hour notice call. When I got it at 6:58 pm I finally let myself get excited. This call meant that Andrew's flight had landed safely at the Louisville Airport. He was within 15 miles of me, and we just had to get through the next couple of hours (and outprocessing paperwork on his end) and a drive down to Fort Knox (about 40 minutes) before we were done with our first deployment.

I finished getting ready, got in the car with the rest of the family and we were on our way! I wish I could put every thought and feeling I had into words, but the truth of the matter is that the next couple of hours are nothing but a haze to me. I expected myself to be a complete emotional wreck (similar to the way I was when he returned home in October for R&R) but in all honesty, I was numb. Like I wouldn't let myself believe that the moment I had been waiting for so long for was finally here. And when I did see Andrew, I felt nothing but shear relief. No more waking in the middle of the night to a weird cell phone noise and not being able to get back to sleep, no more heart stopping every time the door bell rings (although, I think a part of my mind will always go 'there' when we have an unexpected visitor). My prayers had been answered and my soldier was home.

I know from experience, that the best part about other couples' homecomings are the pictures.... so here are some of our favorites

All of us waiting for HOURS!

Finally, they started lifting the curtain, and we could see boots.

My best guess is that it took about 7-10 minutes to fully raise the curtain. This was one of the longest waits of my life.

On 6 January at 2300 hours, 271 soldiers returned home to family and friends.

Searching the see of identical-looking men for mine!

FINALLY!

So what is next for us? Just enjoying life for once. Andrew is participating in his "reintegration training" daily at Fort Knox and I am returning to life as normal back in Pennsylvania. I have some responsibilities to finish at work before joining him in Kentucky this Spring.

As for the blog... don't worry, it's not going away! DPT's, however, are a thing of the past I'm afraid. I'll be around every now and then but probably not every single week. Just when exciting things are happening!

A Little Place Like Kokomo...

Since Andrew has returned to the sandbox, the best way to put a smile on my face is to look through our pictures from the most wonderful 5 days of the entire year... our trip to paradise.

Andrew and I visited Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic for a little getaway while he was home for Midtour Leave. It was simply P-E-R-F-E-C-T. There is no way for me to explain how amazing it felt to sit on the beach, reading our kindles, drinks in hand and have not a single worry in the world. For the first time in a long, long time I was completely, totally 100% happy. We had no schedule, no watches, no where to go and nobody to answer to. I guess you could say we were quite smitten with ourselves and our decision to take this vacation.

Our view from the room!

 Tiki Hut where we got a moonlight massage on the beach

Good-bye Paradise... until next time :)

We sure do miss our mojito's on the beach, maybe someday we'll venture to paradise again!

For now, as the holidays (rapidly) approach, I'll be busy fast forwarding every clock and calendar I possibly can to get through these next few weeks of "joy and happiness on earth" until my soldier is back home safely in my arms again.

RANGER +1 Year

Today I'm just happy. I got a solid 10 emails in with Andrew this morning after I woke up and before communication got shut off; we seem to be out of the path of Hurricane Irene; I met with and put a deposit down for my florist for our wedding (she is wonderful, and sees everything exactly the way I do- I couldn't be more thrilled about using her and would be more than happy to recommend her to any brides who are still looking); and, a year ago today was the happiest moment of my life (to that point).

It's amazing how much can change in a year. I was Andrew's girlfriend, I had just been through the longest summer of my life (or so I thought) hanging on every letter, dashing to the mailbox as soon as I got home from work (twice on days that I stopped home for lunch), and never knowing exactly what was going on in Andrew's world. On this date, 365 days ago, I had the honor to pin that Ranger Tab on my soldier's shoulder. I don't know that I've ever had a prouder moment. He had worked so hard for that tab, and every lonely night and re-read letter was completely, totally, 150 million percent worth it to see that smile on his face when I told him "you did it babe, no matter what, nobody can ever take this away from you, Congratulations, Ranger!"

And now, here we are. A full year later. I am no longer Andrew's girlfriend... I'm his fiancee and planning our wedding while he is deployed. It's days like today that make me so happy... remembering the joy we felt last year, not only at the graduation ceremony, but also two days before when I surprised him on his 8 hour pass. Literally the moment I saw him I screamed and nothing else mattered. That goofy grin on his face, shaking his head as we pushed through the sea of dirty camo and reunions all around us trying to get to one another; that moment made every tear and every worry I had had that summer disappear. Being apart didn't matter- we were together for that moment.

When people say to me "I don't know how you do it" or "well, I could never do that", I actually feel sorry for them. They don't feel the love I feel, they don't get to prove to their significant other every day how much they care. The military tests relationships, the strong survive and the weak falter, and we are lucky enough to not only have survived the tests the military as thrown our way, but we have grown from them. 

I love our life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love that my future-husband stands up and fights for what he believes in, and will do anything possible to attain his goals, even when the road is not easy. The separations and voids I feel from him being gone are filled by the happy faces and giggles of six beautiful little children that will tell you all the pride they can possibly muster: "my uncle is a RANGER! He's fighting in Afghanistan so that we can be safe!"

Well this post got long and mushy in a hurry. Definitely not my intention, but you get what you get, I guess. I suppose all I'm really trying to say is that I can't believe a year has gone by, and I am so excited for this time next year when I will officially be Mrs. Ranger.

May the Seventeenth

I have never been one to believe in signs or messages from beyond, but ever since meeting Andrew there have been a few things that have stood out to us that make us sure that if there are such a thing as signs, they're pointing to us being us forever. One of these impossible to ignore signs is this very date: May 17th. This day has been one of the most important days of each year since we have known each other.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?

2008:
After studying abroad in Italy for four months, I returned home to the arms of Andrew, who surprised me by picking me up with a beautiful bouquet of flowers at Logan Airport in Boston. My time in Italy was a big test for our relationship, we had only met three months before I left so I was gone for longer than I had known him. I remember my first days in Florence, I couldn't stop talking to people about him (it just kept coming up, like word vomit- name that movie!) everyone was shocked when they found out our relationship was so new. We knew if this was ever going to work for us, long-distance would be something we would have to get used to and Italy was a great test run for that. Plus, looking back, it was a good experience for me to be the one away from home and him to be the one waiting for me. Every single separation we've had since then has been the other way around, so I think it is good we each know what it is like to be in the others' shoes. (er, well, if you take away the war aspect of the equation, I  suppose)

Coming back home and running into Andrew's arms and the fact that the second we got into his truck it was like we had never been apart told me that this was for keeps. I already knew that, but it just validated everything I had been thinking for the past few months.

2009:
Goodbye, College! We graduated from Stonehill in 2009. Emotionally, I had a harder time with no longer living with seven of my best friends than anything else, but it was an adjustment time for both of us. I was such a wreck on graduation day, I didn't even want to take pictures with my family or Andrew for some reason. My parents will get a kick out of this, but: YES I REGRET IT! It was just such an emotionally draining day, but spending time with our families together after the hooplah was all done was a great way to relax.

The night before graduations was hands-down one of the best nights of college. All of the graduation seniors went up to Donahue Hill, which is basically the only hill with a mansion on it on campus, and hung out up there all night. Somebody brought a keg, somebody else brought DJ equipment, it was such a fun time. It started raining at one point and nobody cared, we were all soaked and stayed out til 4 or 5 in the morning when we had to be up at 7:30 for graduation.

wee morning hours- 17 May 2009

2010:
Ranger School Day 1. Something Andrew has been looking forward to for years on end. When I found out last January that Andrew had orders to start "the bad place" on that day, I couldn't believe it. Three years in a row, three huge life events! And arguably the three biggest events in our relationship up to that point (save when we actually met, the first time I kicked his butt at Mario Kart, etc...) it's pretty incredible if you really think about it. Ranger School was another test for us. It gave me a chance to prove that I wasn't going anywhere, even when facing weeks with no communication other than letters, and I think it had a lot to do with us getting engaged when we did.

17 May 2010

A few months ago we also found one more goose-bump inspiring connection to May 17th. Andrew was going to get my engagement ring appraised and insured and took out the certificate of authenticity and my diamond was certified on May 17, 2010. Andrew had no idea when he bought it.

I don't know, maybe we are just looking for reasons to love May 17th and it's all some weird, funky coincidence, but I find that hard to believe. Last year at this time, Mom, Shannon and I were thinking maybe May 17, 2014 (a Saturday) would be our wedding date (that's when I was still convinced Andrew would make me wait til after his first deployment to get engaged).

Today as I drove to work, I was expecting to feel uplifted and happy that we reached another May 17th and that we are 4 months and 1 day into this deployment. Instead I was a little bit let down to not have something really exciting to look forward to today. I think Andrew's unit is on a communication blackout because I haven't heard from him since Sunday night, so when all is said and done, I will count it as a huge victory to get one little email tonight with three little words from a solider who I love very much in a far away place.

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 13

Hello, Keystone State!!

As of Tuesday at 12:42 PM I am officially a resident of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania! Of course this was a long time coming, and I am a little upset about giving up my first-in-the-nation-primary by losing my New Hampshire Residency, but overall I am very excited to officially be a Pennsylvanian! Mom Dolan came down to the DMV with me on my lunch break (she was one of my proofs of residency) so we decided to document the time we spent there:

 Here I am with Lenny, who was oh, so happy to help us. Not really.

 Taking my vision test... which I told him I didn't need to take because I am blind, but he made me take anyways. And I almost failed.... WITH contact lenses in.

 Waiting for my temporary license! This guy was a resident of E-town too and kept telling me "Welcome to Elizabethtown," (even though we were in Lancaster) "I'll see you in all that traffic." I wasn't really sure what he was talking about because we live in a small town, with almost no traffic, but I just smiled and nodded and said "thank you, sir!"

The newest Pennsylvania Resident!

So excited to have my new License! All-in-all not a bad hour!

Even waiting for an hour in a ridiculous line at the DMV (which, let's be honest, pretty much everyone hates), Mom and I had such a fun lunch break! We got all my forms sorted out and proofs of identity and residency and then just had one of our great chats!

My next step is to get my registration and license plate squared away (to do Friday!) and then get Little White inspected and I'll be all set! It feels great to have all of this out of the way.

In other news, Andrew is doing well in Afghanistan. He got his Easter Care Package on Tuesday that I sent out last Monday, which is pretty much a miracle as far as deployments go. Only 8 days!! I didn't even have time to tell him "do not open until Easter", since I thought it would take at least another week or so! Hopefully this is a sign of good things to come as far as mail is concerned. The Battalion Commander writes an email to all family members each month stating how things are going and what is to be expected in the coming weeks and in last month's email he said that since the weather is getting better, mail will also be getting to the troops faster since it won't be delayed due to snow storms and such. Fingers crossed no more month-long waits for Care Packages!!! Here is a picture of the Easter package I sent him: complete with a chocolate bunny, Easter eggs, Easter grass, a Red Sox Yatzee game, more candy and- of course- ARCHER!

Today was also a great day because on my lunch break I finally went to have my engagement ring appraised (so that we can have it insured- after almost 6 months I think Andrew was about to have a heart attack thinking about me walking around with that uninsured rock on my hand. And I was all too familiar with the phrase "that's the only one you get, if you lose it or break it before it's insured its too bad, so sad!"- the romance never dies) I also got it cleaned for the first time since Andrew proposed that magical, freezing cold day in Boston Common, and boy oh boy does that sucker shine now! I haven't been able to take my eyes off of it all afternoon! It's so nice that no matter what goes on in my life and what stresses I'm facing each week I can look down at the promise of a life together. It makes everything else go away and those stresses just seem to be lifted off my shoulders. 

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 5

Happy Birthday, Papa!

Today, my weekly positive is the easiest it has been ever. Today is a tribute to the world's best dad, who just happens to have a birthday today!

May 1995- I'm probably trying to get away with something sneaky; and he is probably going to let me.

If anyone were to describe what I was like when I was growing up, saying I was a complete and total daddy's girl would be the understatement of the year. Not the spoiled kind who gets everything they ask for because they cry a fake tear or throw enough tantrums. I was the kind of girl who was absolutely 1,000,000% spoiled by my dad's love, and in turn had nothing but love and respect for him. 

As the first-born, dear-old-dad didn't really know what to expect when I came into the world in September 1986. He admits that even though I was two weeks late, he and my mom had forgotten to buy me a baby blanket, so he ran out to toysRus when mom and baby were resting on the day I was born to get me one. I'm not even a little embarrassed to admit that that same blanket is still sitting right next to me in this bed as I type this blog entry. 

Because I was first-born, when I started talking (pretty late in the developmental scheme of things because my mom was always speaking German to me, while my dad and everyone else was speaking English- that can get pretty confusing pretty quickly!) and started with the ma-maaaa (as most children do for Mommy) my parents decided to let it stick. Mama is German for Mother, as Papa is German for Father. Instead of trying to get me to say da-da over and over again, they opted for Papa, to honor my mom's German roots. (For those of you who don't know, my mom was born and raised in Germany and didn't move to the US until her late 20's for a temporary assignment. Long story short, temporary assignment turned into long-term, long-distance relationship, marriage, house in the suburbs, two babies, and a dog. Now THAT is the American Dream) I always loved that I had a special name for my dad that none of the other kids in school had, and I still love calling him my Papa, even though through the years it has become slightly more Americanized and now sounds more like pu-pu.

He was the one who worked all day, came home to kids fighting, dog barking, phone ringing, wife stressed trying to make sense of it all (I feel like I'm taking these lyrics straight from a country song) and still came busting through the door singing Hello, Dolly! every single night. My favorite part (and the part he always emphasized the most) was "It's so nice to be back where I belong!" I would always run to him and demand "ups! ups!", begging for him to pick me up. We were one of those lucky families who got to see our dad in the morning before school started, because he worked less than a mile from the house. In the summers, Mark and I used to bike over to the office (through a secret short-cut path in the woods) to have lunch with him. My dad walked us to the bus stop every morning for the first few years of school (even though it was just to the next-door neighbor's driveway, not even 100 yards down our not-very-busy street) or, if he drove us to school, always made us give him a kiss before we left the car. In my middle school years, I acted like it embarrassed me, but secretly I always loved this tradition we shared. 

He was the dog's master and best-friend; and no matter how cold or rainy or snowy, Papa and Nugget would go out every single night around bedtime to walk around the house a few times. I used to love going out with them on summer nights and sitting on the hill in our front yard watching the stars. The first, and only time, I ever saw my dad cry was in 2007 when he and my mom told me we would have to put Nugget down after almost 14 full years of having her grace our lives. (Time for a new pup yet?!) I am so thankful that he knew the exact-right time to bring Nugget into our lives and complete our family: Thanksgiving Day 1993. 

As I got older, he taught me to drive and manage my money, never allowing me to go overboard on a single purchase. He gave me my passion for the Red Sox and taught me what baseball was all about. He helped me pack up and move back to Stonehill for four years in a row, even though I know it broke his heart every time. He let me work at his company for a few months after I graduated from college, even though I know they didn't need the help- which in turn gave me the opportunity to spend as much time as I could with Andrew the summer before he started BOLC training in November 2009.

He loves me and respects me. He tells me constantly how blessed he has been to have me as a daughter and I, in turn do not tell him nearly enough what a joy it has been growing up with him as a father and a role model. He pushes me to do and be my best, even when I give him a hard time; and encourages me to always explore all of my options. He encourages me to be independent, but is always there to back me up when I need him.

And, I am so thankful that he survived (and passed with flying colors, I might add) that moment that I am sure every father dreads; somebody coming along and asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. I am so thankful that Andrew asked for his permission (well, blessing I guess) to marry me. In fact the first thing I said to Andrew (after I was done crying and saying "YES" a million times) was "did you talk to my dad about this?" I couldn't have imagined going home without first knowing that my dad had given his official seal of approval. I know that he was probably more shocked than I was about the whole engagement (because let's face it- I had been warned that if I dropped any more hints about getting married/engaged before deployment, Andrew would make me wait until we were both practically geriatrics before he proposed) but he was so excited and thrilled for the both of us. It is not going to be easy for either of us when the time comes for him to give me away: prepare yourselves for the two of us sentimental saps, blubbering like idiots and crying our eyes out when we walk down the aisle. But that's what I love about him, his undying love and support for me no matter what.

So, Happy Birthday, Papa! Thank you so much for all the experiences you've provided me with, places you've brought me, lessons you've taught me, love you've shown me and everything in between. You and Mama have been so supportive through this whole military adventure that has become my life, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. You have welcomed Andrew into your family as one of your own, and that means the world to me. I could go on and on about family traditions and holidays and every special moment we had in our lives, but what it all boils down to is: I love you so much, and could have never had a better dad.

Pinning My Ranger

Of all the days I have lived, I think yesterday might have been my absolute favorite day EVER! Jen and I woke up at the crack of dawn (okay, that's a lie, but it felt early since I couldn't sleep the night before due to shear excitement!) We left the apartment by 8 to drive over to Camp Rogers one last time and guarantee that we had a good parking spot. There was lots of traffic, but by the time we were parked and in line it was probably 8:45. We waited for a little while and then I got a call from Andrew's mom.

Standing in line and waiting
to take our seats at Graduation.
Victory Pond in the background

They were lost and couldn't find Victory Pond! I was freaking out and so nervous that they wouldn't be able to get there in time. And if they were late how in the world was I supposed to save seats for SIXTEEN PEOPLE?! I had no idea where they were or how to tell them to get to where we were, and Shannon's GPS wasn't working (which I should have told them would happen before we left). I was getting so nervous.
Twenty minutes later, they still weren't there yet and the line we were in was slowly making its way down the hill and into the bleachers for the graduation. Jen and I got great seats and tried to save as many as possible, but only managed saving 2 for Andrew's parents which was really the only thing that mattered to me at that point. 

About ten minutes before the ceremony started, the whole family arrived! It ended up working out perfectly because Mr. & Mrs. Dolan sat with us, Sean and his family sat together, Shannon, Victor, Lillia and Gavin sat together and my parents offered to sit with Jared and Alisia. Andrew's mom kept saying "Oh I hope they behave for your parents, I feel so bad" but honestly, they LOVED spending the time with the kids! Actually Jared reminds me a lot of my dad, so intellectual and bright. I would have loved to have heard what they were talking about! And to experience the graduation with Jared (especially) must have really been a treat for my parents. He is the oldest of the nieces and nephews and at 8 1/2 he can really grasp everything his uncle went through this summer. He must have loved every second of it.

The ceremony was without a doubt the COOLEST Military Graduation I have ever or will ever see. The first 45 minutes was called Rangers in Action -- a demonstration of everything the guys had done while at Ranger School. Totally blew my mind. Here is a sample of some of the cool things my boyfriend did:

Then we had a small break and they told family and friends to make their way down to the Rangers (now lined up in formation) to pin their tabs on. This was the moment I WE had been waiting for. The past 103 (and a half- if you ask Andrew) days flashed before my eyes and disappeared at the same time. It was one of those moments in life that just don't seem real, no matter how much you pinch yourself. Jen and I stayed together (and Andrew and Zack agreed to stay together in the front of formation) so that we could find the guys easily. Andrew's parents came down with our cameras and took pictures of the pinning process. 

As Andrew handed me the tab and safety pin, he said "okay, so I'd rather have you stab me than stab your toe-thumb" (a long running joke with us- my left thumb is heinously ugly, fat, short and wide. I don't get it cause the other one is normal, but according to Andrew, it's a toe thumb) "so be careful babe".

I didn't care about stabbing or being stabbed.  It didn't matter (even though, I will admit that I was pretty nervous at that point- for whatever reason). The only thing that mattered was that this moment was real and it was happening now! 

As I concentrated on getting that safety pin through all those layers of fabric and velcro (harder than you may think) the only thing I could think to say to him was:

 "No matter what babe, nobody can ever take this away from you. You've earned it! Congratulations Ranger"

27 Aug 2010
2LT Andrew Dolan becomes Ranger Qualified