Winding Down, But Not Done Yet

Recently, I've been getting a lot of questions like "how does it feel" and "how much longer" in regards to my fiance's impending return from that nasty war zone he has called home for the past year.

Yeah, a year... but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Honestly, it feels down right amazing to know that we are nearing the end of our very first deployment. I have learned so much over the course of this year, and I know that Andrew and I have both grown individually, as well as in our relationship. It's interesting, because I felt a very similar sensation after Ranger School, and I have often expressed how military separations really do have a way of weeding out the weak couples, while building strong foundations for the strong.

Even though it does feel great that we will be reaching our last huge milestone on Friday (the 11 month mark), but there is always the ever-present thought that this deployment is not over, Andrew is not out of harms way until his boots are on the ground in front of me, and just because we are this close to the end does not make this part of the deployment any easier than any other part of deployment.

Andrew and I talked about this very briefly the other day. His attitude is perfect (for a soldier; I'm not so sure it works as well on the homefront though). I don't think Andrew thinks a whole lot about coming home yet. He says, "gotta play hard til the end, baby", and he is right. The Taliban aren't going to stop planting IEDs just because he is coming home to his gung-ho, pro-American wife-to-be in a couple of weeks. (I have to squeal a little when I say weeks, because we just can't count the months anymore!)

I guess my whole outlook on life lately has been a lot like this post, because this is taking an entirely different direction than I had planned. I feel unorganized, all over the place, and generally lost. Only recently have I realized that other peoples' lives have not stood still for the past year. Others had an entirely normal 2011 with promotions, birthdays, moves, new cars, additions to the family and kids moving on in school. Think about it: there are babies - real human beings - who exist today, who weren't even a gleam in their parents' eye yet when Andrew left last January. That is absolutely crazy!!!

I've just been very nostalgic lately, I think. I deeply miss my best friend. I miss staying up late, saying "let's just watch one more episode" of whatever show we happen to be bingeing on that week, I miss waking up to the smell of Chocolate Chip Pancakes, riding around in the truck and on the motorcycle, datenights, and generally just spending time together.

But what I am really missing lately is being complete goofballs together. We have a hard time taking anything too seriously, and it's one of my favorite parts about our relationship, we really do just like having fun with one another.

(This was one of our favorite pastimes in our early days.. PhotoBooth on Andrew's Mac. I think this was taken in the winter of 2007)