Love, Valentines, and Learning to Share Again

Considering the fact that on valentines day last year we were approximately 8,000 miles apart and not even 30 days into our first deployment, celebrating Valentines 2012 a few days early made me one of the happiest girls in the world. As military families will tell you, we don't ever miss holidays, we just don't always celebrate them when the calendar tells us to. So for Valentines Day this year, we had a fabulous dinner, I was showered with lots of thoughtful gifts, and I got to spend time with my man. Not much can top that.

However, I made a mistake long ago. Once upon a time, before I understood what "army life" really meant, I told Andrew that flowers were a waste of money. (I know ladies, what was I thinking?) So guess what, every birthday and holiday I drop hints for how pretty flowers are (because I do love flowers, I just don't think they are necessary all the time, especially when you see each other day in and day out... But for special occasions, holidays, birthday, feeling sick days, I think they are a beautiful way to show somebody you care) and every year Andrew reminds me that "you always agreed they are a waste of money". He doesn't even allow me to argue that he is taking this completely out of context before the conversation is over.

So imagine my delight and surprise when real-valentines day rolled around, and these beauties were waiting for me on the kitchen table!

I am one lucky, and very in love girl!

My first reaction was to call my favorite boy and thank him for completely warming my heart and making my Valentines Day special. The second thing I wanted to do was take pictures!

Problem.

Our nice camera is in Kentucky.

It was my camera for a whole year. But now Andrew is home and I spend a lot of time with him below the Mason-Dixon line with him, so it just made sense to have it there.

But in that moment, I wanted it here. I wanted it to be my camera again, and not have to share.

It took about .25 seconds for me to snap out of it (and take another look at my beautiful roses) before I realized how silly I was being. A year ago I would have given anything to call up Andrew just to say hi and thanks, all while knowing I would be seeing him in two weeks.

Six weeks into post-deployment life and real-life is back! It's so nice to not have every thought revolve around the deployment, or the fact that Andrew is home (and feeling stressed if I wasn't spending every.single.second. with him). It's so hard to explain, but I spend so long, praying for my life to be "normal" again, and now, seemingly in the blink of an eye, it is- and I couldn't be more thankful.

So yes, there are changes going on, and new situations to get used to. But they are wonderful changes, and I am grateful for them. We are at a healthy point in the reintegration process, finally back into the swing of our lives-- both separately and together-- and pretty much loving every moment of it. As I wrap up my final project with my job here in Pennsylvania, I'm really looking forward to the job search process and the promise of new challenges and adventures once I move to Kentucky in a few months.

Reunited and it Feels so Good

As our first Post-Deployment Block Leave comes to an end, I wanted to take a look at a list I made early in the deployment regarding all the things we were missing and wanted to do when Andrew returned home. My original list is below in black, and my 2012 updates are in red next to them. Without trying to (infact, I had almost forgotten that I made this list), we nearly accomplished everything on this list.

1. Get every single hug and kiss in that we can- currently enjoying this
2. Go to Dinner and a movie- done and done
3. Text and call whenever we want to without being charged an arm and a leg- loving this
4. Have SUSHI and experiment with all new kinds of fish- Three sushi dates under our belts in the first month- great success
5. Catch up on How I Met Your Mother and Entourage
6. Fall in love with new shows together- ummmm... every heard of The League? and Jimmy Fallon. Actually this is fun because we are introducing each other to new shows!
7. Go to McDonalds and get 50% off when he wears his uniform- In all honestly, I just can't see us doing this
8. Have a lazy day watching movies in our PJs- if lazy = slightly hungover :)
9. Wake up to the smell of his home-made Chocolate Chip Pancakes- I'll never get enough of this
10. Have a wedding food-tasting day to decide what will be served at the wedding! - TOMORROW!
11. LOTS of Country Concerts!
12. Take a picture of Andrew with his cardboard cut out clone- We actually did this over leave, and it was creepy, but awesome
13. Trips to Boston
14. ... and eating at Fire & Ice- (still planning these two)
15. Watching Andrew catch up on all that missed time with his nieces and nephews- one of my favorite things to do! "Uncle AJ! Watch this!" "No, Uncle AJ, look at me!" Ah they can't get enough of him!
16. Pick out wedding bands (jewelry, not musicians)- soon
17. Long rides in the truck with nowhere in particular to go, just talking and singing along to country music- still remains one of my favorite passtimes
18. Motorcycle rides on winding back country roads in the springtime- springtime, dead of winter... same thing, right?
19. Getting the motorcycle out of the apartment.... - GIANT check mark in that box!
20. Celebrate every 2012 holiday together- not sure I remembered that Andrew is in the ARMY when I wrote this...
21. Finally become a family on August 4, 2012- love
22. Road trips to explore new cities
23. Maybe go to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl- I thank the Good Lord that we did not do this. I don't think my heart could have survived such dispair.
24. Dinners at Chili's started off with Kickin' Jack Nachos- "Chachi's"
25. Red Sox games

Back in the Swing of Things

As yesterday officially marked 1 month since Andrew's boots returned to American soil, I realized how very much has changed in our lives in just a few short weeks. Throughout the deployment I would allow myself to dabble in little bits of wedding planning here and there, but now that I have my Hubby-to-be home safe and sound... boy, oh boy, are things rolling!

As excited as I was to plan our wedding while Andrew was gone (and spare him from the "which linen do you prefer? Lavendar, or light lavendar?" conversations), there was always that part that forced me to go to the "what if" place that I spent every day and night trying to keep out of my mind. For each contract I signed, I had to add a clause about refunding the deposit and voiding the contract due to "Military Circumstances beyond the Groom's control". Don't get me wrong, those clauses will most assuredly still be included in all remaining contracts (because, let's face it, we're dealing with the military...) but the implications of that clause are a lot less severe at this point. I spent so much time during this deployment not allowing myself to think of the worst-case scenario (and even now, a month after his safe return I won't even allow myself to type the words), that each time I added that clause to a contract, I felt like I was jinxing Andrew's safety. I hated that feeling.

But here we are, February 2012, and less than 6 months to go until our wedding all of a sudden! Andrew is in the middle of his first of two two-week block leaves, and we are readjusting to life together. I love coming home after a long day of work and having him there waiting to greet me with a kiss! It's so nice to have date-nights whenever we want to, and ride the Harley, watch TV together, and just spend time together. I love that we are just back to "us", no prepping for upcoming schools, or serparations, just living life together in the here and now... something we haven't truly been able to do in years.

It's funny how easily I forgot how much fun we have together. I spent so much time missing the hugs and kisses and stuff, that I almost forgot that Andrew is my best friend, and its just fun to be together! I have to say, it's pretty darn cool (and heck yeah, I'm proud of us for this) that we went an entire year without seeing each other and in many ways it feels like we are stronger than ever. We're finding our way into our next "new normal" and pretty much just enjoying the ride.

Life is good. And I am one very happy girl these days.

Sleep Style

Waking up this morning on Day 21 of Re-integration, a couple of things struck me. As we are getting into the rhythum of our "new normal", I realized that our reintegration process is much different from most traditional military families.

Most couples have to re-learn how to live together, how to fall back into their traditional parenting roles, and how to return to their 'normal' household responsibilities. Since we don't yet live together, we are adjusting to life in a long-distance relationship that is leaps and bounds different from the long-distance situation we found ourselves in in 2011. I wrote earlier this week about how great it was to call whenever we wanted to, but I have to say, the biggest difference I've noticed since welcoming my soldier home has been my sleep habits.

For the past 12 months a restful sleep was never exactly easy to come by. Although I didn't realize it at the time, there were some thoughts, worries and fears that never left me throughout the entire deployment. Even when there were other things going on, I always carried the realities of where Andrew was and what he was doing in everything that I did. So when my mind was supposed to be "at rest", well... It wasn't.

I've never been the type of person who falls asleep the moment my head hits the pillow, but while Andrew was gone, I would lay awake for hours most nights just praying that sleep would find its way to me. Some nights (mornings for Andrew) we were able to text with each other but never for too long before it was time for another patrol or Andrew would remind me how many hours past midnight it was for me, and that I really needed to be getting some rest.

Now, I put Friends on (thank you, Nick at Nite) at eleven, knowing that Andrew is safely in his bed... Or playing video games on his couch. I love the feeling of getting so tired while watching one of my favorite episodes and knowing that as soon as I turn it off it won't be very long until I'm blissfully sleeping.

That sleep itself is actually a lot different too. I find myself waking up rested, and remembering vivid details of my dreams, yet another thing that I didn't realize wasn't happening during the deployment. And I'm having FUN dreams again! Why, just this week I had a dream that I was Kelly Ripa's guest co-host on Live! With regis and Kelly! It was so fun, and Mark Walberg was there, and a puppy! Who doesn't love that?!

So yes, I am definitely getting used to the changes in our life and so far I'm just positively loving 2012! Andrew gets home tomorrow night for two weeks of block leave and I can't wait! There was a time in my pre-deployment life that I would have complained about the fact that leave got pushed back essentially a full 24 hours, but these days, I know it's better than where we were at this point last year. Plus, how can I possibly complain about something so small when there are so many people (and many close friends) still waiting for their magic homecoming moment? I'll just be happy to see my boy tomorrow evening!

Well, will you look at that... This girl is growing up :)