Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 35

I think I have intentionally been avoiding my blog lately. It would have been easy to have a huge long post about the significance of September 11th and what it means to all of us each and every day, but by now my opinions are pretty clear to those of you reading my blog. It was an emotional day, and for some reason I just didn't feel quite right bringing it to the blogosphere.

I will say that I was touched to see our country once again come together and show the unity we once had. I wish it could be like that every day, not just on certain dates we mark on our calendars, but I suppose we are taking a collective 'baby step' in the right direction.

The weekend of September 11th was also spent celebrating my birthday! Yup!! The big 2-5!! It's hard to believe that little old me is really that... Old... But I guess I'm getting used to it. I had a great weekend down in dc with my brother and his girlfriend (who, if I havent previously mentioned, I LOVE!) and we went to the Toby Keith concert on Saturday which was my actual birthday. He is amazing live, I highly recommend going to see him if you have the opportunity, but being that it was the "eve of September 11th" as he said so many times, it was particularly emotional and special for me. He is probably the most patriotic country singer who has ever lived and watching him pull soldiers onto the stage and sing songs like "American Soldier", "Courtesy of the red white and blue" and "Made in America" brought tears to my eyes. Hearing Toby say "thank god for all our heros fighting out there every day so that we can be here and have some fun tonight" gave me chills. It was a tough moment, and it made me miss Andrew almost more than I had at any other time this year.

Missing a soldier is hard to explain to people who don't live our life. It's not like when your husband goes on a business trip for a week or when your daughter studies abroad for a few months. Yes, there is an element of worry, but you have to put that out of your mind to a certain extent. Going a whole year without Andrew can sometimes be easier than just a week or two. It's hard to explain, but since it is such a long time, you just go through the motions without him here, almost like droning. You become numb to the "pain" of missing him simply because your body won't let you feel that way for months on end.

But there are moments in these long separations that my mind kicks me right back to the "I need him here now" mentality and I hate it so much. That concert was one of those moments. I didn't want to wait another second. Another was when we lost a solider in the community a few months ago. Or when one of the kids says something particularly cute about how proud they are of their ranger. I guess I go into emotion overload and that barrier I've been keeping up for so long gets torn down.

So yes, I did shed a tear or two at that concert, not only because I missed Andrew, but also for the devastation our country going through ten years ago. (andrew will give me a hard time about that for sure, but it's the truth so whatcha gonna do?) Here are some of the highlights from the weekend:














Life for me other than that lately has been busy Great and busy. I'm looking forward to a few days of relaxing with my mom in town this weekend, then gearing up for a big Yankees Red Sox weekend in New York before we kick off another event for work. I'm looking forward to the event being over, not only for the post-stress relief I will feel, but also because it means I am that much closer to seeing my soldier.

Oh yeah, that soldier of mine. Remember him? He's busy too, just loving life and kicking bad-guy butt! Leave got moved AGAIN, but this time because we asked for it, and the army actually granted it, which is pretty out of character. Leave will happen a few weeks later in the month, but it allows us more flexibility (and I was worried about crossover between leave and our conference for work) and by the time Andrew goes back to the sandbox, it will be november! Huge mental milestone!!

My Girls!

The seven wonderful ladies I lived with in college are my best friends. I'd be lost without you girls and I think you so much for making my pre-birthday weekend special and hilarious!!

For the rest of you, here's a look into our lives. I love everything about this, and Ames, you're amazing for putting it all together in less than 24 hours! LOVE YOU!!!!

Updates on the rest of my amazing weekend at home coming soon, but this had to be shared!

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 24

Well, I think it is safe to say that the summer has been a busy time for me- and honestly, I couldn't be happier about it! Just looking at my blogging, or lack there of, it's easy to see that I haven't had a spare moment the last few weeks. (I'll admit though, that my scarce blogging habits can also be blamed on the fact that we just don't have all that much to report- it's still hot and sandy in Afghanistan, and I'm still not-so-patiently waiting for R&R.) To make up for my lack of posts recently, I'm blogging everything that's been floating around my mind lately in one mammoth post. So today's DPT is a BOGO, if you will.

To start, I have to admit, I am loving that I am able to honestly say we are about halfway done at this point. It's so funny because the last 5 1/2 months have been such a blur, but also have seemed to drag on at the same time. Now with the promise of midtour leave seemingly right around the corner (obviously still a huge exaggeration at this point: we still have over three months until October even starts), I feel like we are finally making some real headway.

Sometimes it is hard to imagine that 2012 will ever actually get here, but yesterday for the first time ever, I saw a commercial for a line of 2012 Chevy cars and trucks! Hearing the word 2012 mentioned in a commercial for a product that is actually available to the general public RIGHT NOW was an amazing feeling; it's hard to explain, but it makes everything real. It's like when you are a kid and all you want is for Santa to come, but it's only December 1st and you still have 24 whole entire days to wait. You never think you'll actually get to Christmas Morning (at least, I never did when we started our Advent Calendars), but as more and more families begin to put up their Christmas Trees and decorations, you realize that soon Santa will come. That Chevy commercial made me realize that this deployment will eventually come to an end, that this lonely feeling will not always be my reality, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

As June comes to a close, it feels like ages ago that we were in Disney. But today is a day to celebrate, not only because it is the last day of another month that we can forever bid farewell, but because of two very exciting events that happened in the Dolan household today. The first: Mom finally got her voice back after being told by an ENT not to talk at all for the past six weeks (we cheated a little at Disney, but who wouldn't) due to swollen vocal chords. And the second: Dad's big 60th birthday! We had the whole family over tonight for dinner and dessert by the pool and it was just a perfect evening. A great way to close out a pretty bum month!

And, with the start of July, brings another trip for me! Tomorrow I leave for 6 days in Germany visiting with family and friends. We grew up visiting my grandparents every summer, and as Mark and I grew older it got harder and harder to find time for all of us to go. I haven't seen my Oma in three long years (since I took a weekend trip to visit her while I was studying in Florence in '08) so I am definitely ready to wrap my arms around her. Mom Dolan helped my pack tonight (have I mentioned I hate packing? Literally I did dishes for as long as humanly possible tonight just to avoid it, then stomped around the house groaning about how much I was dreading the task ahead of me for almost a solid hour) but miraculously I fit everything into a single carry on suitcase! I'm pretty darn proud of myself.

I told Andrew that after post-deployment block leave and our Honeymoon, Germany is a vacation priority. It kills me that it is such a huge part of my life (and family) that he doesn't know. I dream of the day when my grandmother can finally meet him. Since my grandfather was in the military during WWII, she knows what it is like to have the love of her life away fighting a war, and she often tells me what a tough journey it is. She finds it so hard to fathom that Andrew and I are able to communicate so often and quickly. In her day, it took weeks and weeks (sometimes months) to get letters to one another, and she and my Opa wrote every.single.day. That is what I call love, and I think it is an excellent example they set for us.

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 21

A Message From a Far Away Place...

"To my family and friends - Thank you so much for the cards you sent and the support you have shown both me and Kristina while I have been gone.  I think I can speak for everyone over here when I say that it means a lot to know that we have all of you in the states rooting for us and watching our backs while we are gone.  I feel extremely blessed to have such a strong network of friends and family back in the states.  Thank you, and I look forward to seeing you all as soon as I can."

And my positive for the week...

I recently realized that we are officially more than halfway to Andrew's midtour leave! I can't believe that next week will mark 5 months for this deployment, it doesn't seem like things are going quickly by any stretch of the imagination, but this is a huge milestone!  It feels great to have such a big chunk behind us... plus the summer is bound to fly by on the homefront. I've got lots to look forward to and keep me busy so really, when you think about it, fall is right around the corner!

Also, I would like to add that this is a fabulous time to be a Bostonian. Bruins are on a roll and the Sox are kickin it in New York! That's more than enough to make me and my soldier two very, very happy fans!

Happy Birthday to my One & Only

In case you couldn't tell by basically every other post in this blog, I am a woman who is completely, madly, head-over-heels in love. What I don't say often enough is how lucky I am to have a man like Andrew in my life; someone who fights for what he believes in, who is strong yet caring, and absolutely perfect for me in every single way. Forget the Army and separations and deployments... nothing matters to me except for that feeling I get when he wraps his arms around me again and every second, every tear, and every worry of the time we spent apart completely disappears into thin air. I feel so blessed to have found my missing puzzle piece so early in life. I know you are going to say I was way too sappy on this, but Happy Birthday, Andrew, I love you so so much!

A little over a month ago, I started collecting birthday cards from family and friends for my favorite soldier. All told, I received 52 cards. Yup, you read that right. F-i-f-t-y T-w-o!! Enough to make up a whole deck of playing cards! You guys are amazing! I bundled all the cards up, along with some other birthday surprises and sent them off to Afghan-land three weeks ago to allow for ample time for shipping. I was ecstatic when I found out he had gotten the package last Saturday, exactly one week early! Andrew decided to wait until today to open his cards and eat the cake so I don't have anything to report on that yet, but I can't wait to hear what he thinks... more on that later.

I also had a little bit too much spare time on my hands, so instead of designing Save-the-dates one afternoon, I decorated the inside of the care package as well. Your birthday only comes once a year and I love to go all out!

Hope you enjoy pictures in my posts, cause you're about to get a ton of them:



Most of the cards before I sent them out





Ransom note style letter... "Read me first" 




With Andrew's Favorite type of puzzle inside. I used to make these all the time when I was studying in Italy (and one during Recycle at Ranger School) for Andrew to complete. I only gave him one letter and he figured it all out! 




CAKE IN A JAR!! Andrew's favorite- Carrot! I also attached little poems to each gift inside the box!





I had so much batter, I made extras for us to eat back home with the kids. I saved these for today so that we could all be celebrating Uncle AJ's birthday together! For 3-week-old cake, it wasn't half bad!




Fork & Knife to eat it with :)




Candles that spell out his name (the "W" is behind the A, don't worry, he is not going by Andre!)




I really wanted to make my own cream cheese frosting, but all the recipes needed to be refrigerated which is only slightly impossible when shipping packages to Afghanistan... so I settled for Duncan Hines which got the job done.




Red Sox Fans are from Mars, Yankees Fans are from Uranus - Why Red Sox fans are smarter, funnier, and better looking
Couldn't pass this book up!





The inside of the Care Package





...which of course I had to plan out





Stuffed to the brim with goodies and cards!

 Even though I didn't get to talk to Andrew at all on his birthday, I have to keep reminding myself how spoiled we are to get to communicate as often as we do. I took today as just another lesson to never expect anything when it comes to deployments or the Army. Obviously nothing is going to stop because some Lieutenant's fiance somewhere wants to talk to her soldier on his birthday. After being blacked out on May 17th (our weirdly special day, read about it here) and today, I've decided to pre-prepare myself for no communication on my birthday, our pre-versary (1 year til our wedding date), our anniversary and the date he proposed. This way, if I do get to hear from him on these days, I'll be absolutely positively giddy.

So with that, I think I'll call it a night. A million thank-yous to everyone who sent a card for Andrew's birthday and for everyone's continued prayers and support.

Two Months in the Books!

I can't believe we have made it to another HUGE milestone! Today marks exactly 2 months (or 59 days; but who's counting) since Andrew left Fort Knox for Afghanistan. Two months ago I couldn't even imagine that springtime would ever come, but today I walked out the front door sans-coat! No jacket, no coat, just my pants and a light cardigan! I couldn't have been happier.

It's pretty appropriate that today is also the day that Andrew got back from going out on his first patrol! I haven't gotten to talk to him much about it yet (actually at all; I just know he got back to the FOB safely this morning around 4am my time) but he was so excited to go. I can't wait to hear all about it tonight!

Today is also the birthday of two very important men in my life. My younger brother is turning 23 (yikes, maybe I should have left out the "younger" part- that makes me sound old). Since my dad's name and my brother's name are both Mark, we always called him "little Mark" and sometimes he still gets that, which is confusing since both Marks stand 6'4". The other birthday is Gavin's and he turns 3 today! I still remember Andrew's mom calling my cell phone in Italy to tell me that Gavin was born. I think it was the first time I had ever talked to her on the phone (and I hadn't met her yet) but it was such a happy conversation. Andrew's cell phone was on thr fritz (or maybe he had forgotten it in Italy and I was shipping it back to him- funny how time makes you forget little details like that) so Mom called to make sure I knew!

Today is a great day because I get to see BOTH of the birthday boys and it is the start to my long weekend! I'm flying home tonight to get some doctors appointments checked off my list, as well as spend St. Patty's Day with the only bunch that know how to do it right- the Bostonians! You better believe I'll have a drink or two in honor of my favorite soldier missing his favortie Boston Holiday! As I'm writing this, I just am realizing that we have only spent one St. Patrick's Day together- because of army commitments and me being in Italy that first year. That just won't do. Prepare for a big party next year, folks!

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 5

Happy Birthday, Papa!

Today, my weekly positive is the easiest it has been ever. Today is a tribute to the world's best dad, who just happens to have a birthday today!

May 1995- I'm probably trying to get away with something sneaky; and he is probably going to let me.

If anyone were to describe what I was like when I was growing up, saying I was a complete and total daddy's girl would be the understatement of the year. Not the spoiled kind who gets everything they ask for because they cry a fake tear or throw enough tantrums. I was the kind of girl who was absolutely 1,000,000% spoiled by my dad's love, and in turn had nothing but love and respect for him. 

As the first-born, dear-old-dad didn't really know what to expect when I came into the world in September 1986. He admits that even though I was two weeks late, he and my mom had forgotten to buy me a baby blanket, so he ran out to toysRus when mom and baby were resting on the day I was born to get me one. I'm not even a little embarrassed to admit that that same blanket is still sitting right next to me in this bed as I type this blog entry. 

Because I was first-born, when I started talking (pretty late in the developmental scheme of things because my mom was always speaking German to me, while my dad and everyone else was speaking English- that can get pretty confusing pretty quickly!) and started with the ma-maaaa (as most children do for Mommy) my parents decided to let it stick. Mama is German for Mother, as Papa is German for Father. Instead of trying to get me to say da-da over and over again, they opted for Papa, to honor my mom's German roots. (For those of you who don't know, my mom was born and raised in Germany and didn't move to the US until her late 20's for a temporary assignment. Long story short, temporary assignment turned into long-term, long-distance relationship, marriage, house in the suburbs, two babies, and a dog. Now THAT is the American Dream) I always loved that I had a special name for my dad that none of the other kids in school had, and I still love calling him my Papa, even though through the years it has become slightly more Americanized and now sounds more like pu-pu.

He was the one who worked all day, came home to kids fighting, dog barking, phone ringing, wife stressed trying to make sense of it all (I feel like I'm taking these lyrics straight from a country song) and still came busting through the door singing Hello, Dolly! every single night. My favorite part (and the part he always emphasized the most) was "It's so nice to be back where I belong!" I would always run to him and demand "ups! ups!", begging for him to pick me up. We were one of those lucky families who got to see our dad in the morning before school started, because he worked less than a mile from the house. In the summers, Mark and I used to bike over to the office (through a secret short-cut path in the woods) to have lunch with him. My dad walked us to the bus stop every morning for the first few years of school (even though it was just to the next-door neighbor's driveway, not even 100 yards down our not-very-busy street) or, if he drove us to school, always made us give him a kiss before we left the car. In my middle school years, I acted like it embarrassed me, but secretly I always loved this tradition we shared. 

He was the dog's master and best-friend; and no matter how cold or rainy or snowy, Papa and Nugget would go out every single night around bedtime to walk around the house a few times. I used to love going out with them on summer nights and sitting on the hill in our front yard watching the stars. The first, and only time, I ever saw my dad cry was in 2007 when he and my mom told me we would have to put Nugget down after almost 14 full years of having her grace our lives. (Time for a new pup yet?!) I am so thankful that he knew the exact-right time to bring Nugget into our lives and complete our family: Thanksgiving Day 1993. 

As I got older, he taught me to drive and manage my money, never allowing me to go overboard on a single purchase. He gave me my passion for the Red Sox and taught me what baseball was all about. He helped me pack up and move back to Stonehill for four years in a row, even though I know it broke his heart every time. He let me work at his company for a few months after I graduated from college, even though I know they didn't need the help- which in turn gave me the opportunity to spend as much time as I could with Andrew the summer before he started BOLC training in November 2009.

He loves me and respects me. He tells me constantly how blessed he has been to have me as a daughter and I, in turn do not tell him nearly enough what a joy it has been growing up with him as a father and a role model. He pushes me to do and be my best, even when I give him a hard time; and encourages me to always explore all of my options. He encourages me to be independent, but is always there to back me up when I need him.

And, I am so thankful that he survived (and passed with flying colors, I might add) that moment that I am sure every father dreads; somebody coming along and asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. I am so thankful that Andrew asked for his permission (well, blessing I guess) to marry me. In fact the first thing I said to Andrew (after I was done crying and saying "YES" a million times) was "did you talk to my dad about this?" I couldn't have imagined going home without first knowing that my dad had given his official seal of approval. I know that he was probably more shocked than I was about the whole engagement (because let's face it- I had been warned that if I dropped any more hints about getting married/engaged before deployment, Andrew would make me wait until we were both practically geriatrics before he proposed) but he was so excited and thrilled for the both of us. It is not going to be easy for either of us when the time comes for him to give me away: prepare yourselves for the two of us sentimental saps, blubbering like idiots and crying our eyes out when we walk down the aisle. But that's what I love about him, his undying love and support for me no matter what.

So, Happy Birthday, Papa! Thank you so much for all the experiences you've provided me with, places you've brought me, lessons you've taught me, love you've shown me and everything in between. You and Mama have been so supportive through this whole military adventure that has become my life, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. You have welcomed Andrew into your family as one of your own, and that means the world to me. I could go on and on about family traditions and holidays and every special moment we had in our lives, but what it all boils down to is: I love you so much, and could have never had a better dad.

A Very Happy Birthday, Indeed!

Well here I am, taking the advice of so many and starting my very own blog. What people in civilian life do not understand is how common my story is in military circles, but nonetheless I am diving head first into this blogging world.

On Sunday 16 May 2010 my soldier reported for Ranger School, something he has dreamed about since he was a boy. I remember one of the first conversations we had- before we even started dating- the topic of the ROTC "Ranger Challenge" came up and Andrew said how the Army Rangers are the most elite soldiers in the world. At that point he felt that he would probably never get the opportunity to go to even go to Ranger School, let alone be a Ranger, and now here we are, not even three years later and he is getting his chance!

The first week was stressful for us back home to say the least, but I can't even imagine what Andrew was put through. Every time my phone rang on that first day, my heart sank. It was a weird feeling, but I honestly hoped and prayed that I would not hear from Andrew that day, because if he called, it meant he failed out. Day 1 went by without a word. Before I knew it, the first week (they call it RAP week- when they are really weeding out the weak and are always playing mental games with you) was over. I kept myself busy, but he was always on my mind and in my heart. He sent two letters home so his family and I could know that he was doing well and what he and all the guys were up to and I sent two letters out to him. We decided not to send too many so that we weren't always expecting a letter and then when we actually got a letter it would be a happy surprise! :)

So phase 1 ended on 4 June- which also happened to be Andrew's 23rd birthday! If I got a call from Andrew on the 4th it meant that he passed Phase I and was onto Phase II in the mountains; BUT if he didn't call until the 5th it meant a recycle which would mean three weeks of lockdown at Fort Benning and then restarting the first phase. I was expecting to get a call before noon, thinking that those who passed would be released (for their 8 hour pass) around 8 or 9- as I had been told by other girlfriends and wives who had guys who had already been through Ranger School.

11 o'clock. No word.

12 o'clock. No word.

1 o'clock-- STILL no word. I hated the feeling that I was losing hope (and I hate admitting it now), but in all honesty I was. I was mentally and emotionally preparing myself not only for the possible recycle but also for the call the following day when Andrew would be sure to be very upset.

At 1:30 I checked my sent text messages to find that the "Happy Birthday" text I had sent Andrew that morning had gone through. His phone was on. Why hadn't he called? Didn't matter, he was home and his phone was on! Fifteen or twenty minutes went by and still no call! (Seriously Andrew, next time CALL!) Finally I saw that his roommate was online so I asked if he had heard anything. His roommate said Andrew did well and is moving onto the next phase... and was sitting in the living room. My heart was racing and I asked him to have Andrew call me when he had a minute!

At this point I was at ease because I knew Andrew had moved onto the next phase! I can't tell you how excited and proud and relieved I was! I knew when Andrew called he would probably say "hi, Ranger School sucks. I love you, I miss you, I'm going to bed" and I was fine with that... I just wanted to hear his voice and know that he was okay!

A few minutes later my heart skipped a beat when I heard Andrew's ringtone coming from my cell phone for the first time in three weeks! I picked up the phone and screamed "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABE!" at the top of my lungs! He said his typical "Thanks, girl!" and I couldn't have been happier. I was shocked at how positive and awake he sounded, although knowing him it really shouldn't have surprised me. It was so good to talk to him again and I loved the fact that it was just like any other conversation we had ever had before.

Now for the stats: Out of 490 guys that had started Ranger School three weeks earlier only 184 were moving on to Phase II. That's 39%. Several of those who belonged in the other 61% were either failed out of the program, quit (they call it LOM'd--lack of motivation), or had to recycle the phase. I was so thankful that Andrew did not fall into any of these categories.

He was busy in his 8 hours off, but he did get a lot done and was able to call me once more before heading back to Fort Benning around 7 pm. I was at Shannon's house celebrating Uncle AJ's birthday with her kids who were SO EXCITED when he called to say hi! (Gavin was a little too excited and drooled all over my phone when Andrew was on speaker!) Here they are with the candles that Shannon made that somewhat resemble an "A" and a "J". We put them in Tasty Cakes and prayed, made wishes and sang "Happy Birthday dear Uncle AJ" about 20 times! It was a great way to celebrate a wonderful day!

So all-in-all it was a great day and I definitely went to sleep that night feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I don't know if I am even going to make this blog public or just use it to document my thoughts, I guess only time will tell. For now, I am just happy to be the #1 girl of Ranger Candidate #156.