Keep Chuggin' Along

This morning when I woke up I was excited to know that I only had 2 more days until I would hear from Andrew. I was getting ready (actually ahead of schedule for once in my life... imagine that) when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and threw the phone on the bed when I didn't recognize the number. Then I realized it could have been a call about the watch I had just ordered for Andrew last night or something so I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Honey."

My world came crashing down. What was happening? WHY? So many thoughts going through my head. The only thing I could think to say was: "Andrew?! Why are you calling me?"

"They recycled me"

Crushed again. So many thoughts came flooding through my mind. This changed everything. I can't even put into words all of the emotions I felt. I had so many questions and I know I didn't handle the news as gracefully as I would have liked, but it was just so out of the blue.

So here is the (very revised and shortened) story: Andrew had his "GO" for Mountains Phase and was 40 hours away from completing the final FTX of the phase when one of his buddies (who was assigned to be the gunner) was really struggling to continue on. So Andrew offered to take his gun so that the other guy would be carrying less weight and it would be easier for him to complete the mission. Some amount of time later they got into an ambush and since Andrew was now carrying the machine gun he took the place of the gunner. The gun jammed and as he was trying to clear it he accidentally fired it. It is called an Negligent Discharge and is a serious offense in Ranger School and everywhere else in the Army. Many times an ND is enough to "Day 1" you, meaning you start Ranger School completely over, but since he was so close to completing the phase, the RIs and the commanders only gave him a Mountain's recycle. I liked what Andrew's dad said about the situation: "Its a heart-breaker, but its not a deal-breaker" I am going to live my life (until the end of Ranger School at least) trying to find the silver lining and realizing that it could have been SO.MUCH.WORSE!

That phone call was the single worst call of my life. It was so difficult to talk to Andrew and hear him re-live it all and just be so down on himself. I have never heard Andrew's voice sound the way it did during our 10 minute and 7 second conversation this morning, but I will spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to ensure that I NEVER hear that in his voice EVER again.

So now; what this means for us: The next 3 and a half weeks, Andrew will be in lock-down with the other recycles at Ft. Merrill in Dahlonega, GA waiting for the next cycle to start up again.

The Bad:

• This adds 6 additional weeks to Ranger School (3 for the waiting period, 3 to repeat the cycle)
• He will start up again the day after he was supposed to graduate if he had gotten a "first time GO" of Ranger School
• Andrew is beyond devastated and so down on himself. I hope that in the coming days (maybe weeks) he will come to see this as a blessing in disguise and realize that this is not the end of the world. Until that time I am going to try to keep him happy and not dwell on the situation.

The Good:

• Nightly Phonecalls!! (The thought of this is enough to make me absolutely giddy after these past six weeks of letters being our ONLY form of communication)
• RECHARGE! Andrew will be eating three meals a day for the next three weeks and will get to sleep over 8 hours a night (plus naps during the day). His body is definitely feeling the effects of Ranger School at this point. To date he has lost over 25 pounds since leaving for Ranger School 6 weeks ago.
• He will have a major advantage when the phase starts up again since he has done it all before and he already earned his GO once before. He is confident that he can do it all again. 

For now, I am trying to focus on the positives, but I am devastated too. I want this for Andrew just as badly as he wants it for himself. The most touching part of our conversation was when he told me "the worst part of all of this is that now I won't get to see you until almost September". I miss my man so much and that is the worst part for me, but I would have thought the worst part for him would be going through all that Hell all over again.


I had been listening to Luke Bryan's CD last night on my way home and when I turned my car on this morning to go to work after we talked, the song "Keep Chuggin' Along" was playing. The first words that came out of my speakers were:

"When you look back over your shoulder at everything you've done, put the good times in your pocket, let the bad ones make you strong and keep chuggin' along."

I sat in the driveway and just cried. I have never been one to really believe in "signs" but it was like someone, somewhere was trying to tell me that everything was going to be okay. It has to be okay. Luke Bryan has always been one of my favorite artists, but this particular songs was never really one of my favorites. But this morning it really spoke to me. I know there are better days ahead of us.


Luckily I was working at Sean's today so when I came in (late and clearly upset/still crying whenever anyone talked to me) he gave me the morning off to gather my thoughts. I am so thankful to have the Dolans, they are such an amazing family.

I didn't know where to go, so I just drove and ended up at Church. I prayed like I have never prayed before. I prayed that God would take away all of Andrew's pain and frustration and disappointment and give it all to me. He needs to recharge and focus on what is ahead of him, not dwell on the past.

After church (I honestly have no idea how long I was there for) I decided I needed a good, solid shopping spree! I went to the outlets in Lancaster and boy, oh boy did I shop!!!! I bought a great dress for Andrew's graduation and two pairs of shoes from Nine West among other things that I definitely do not need. It felt good to spend some money without thinking and just focusing on cute outfits instead of stressing over the fact that I won't see my man for another 9 weeks.

After shopping I went to Sonic for one of those slushy drinks. The woman who brought it out to my car completely caught me off-guard when she asked if my boyfriend was in the military (she must have seen my adorable license place frame-- I ♥ a US Soldier) I told her that he was a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army. She said, in her thick southern accent, "well you be sure to thank him for everything he does for all of us back home. My little boy and I sure do appreciate everything he sacrifices so that we can live the life we do". I started crying (for about the millionth time today) on the spot. How thoughtful! I told her I would be sure to tell him. It is unbelievable that I have been driving around with that on my car for months and not a soul has said a word to me about it until this day--the day I get this terrible news. I needed to hear that, just another one of those signs that everything is going to be okay. It has to be okay.

And we will keep chuggin' along.

B-E-A-R-S, bears! Bears! BEARS! WOOOOO!

Well to say the least, it is an exciting time to live in Hershey! This time of year is always great... the smell of chocolate in the air (yes, it for real smells like chocolate!) almost always over-powers the smell of manure out on the farms. Plus it is June which means if you are still watching Hockey you are most definitely a happy camper.

Growing up, hockey was absolutely NOT my cup of tea. I didn't really get into sports until I was in high school, but I always followed and rooted for all the Boston teams... except I can honestly say I never really watched or followed the Bruins. Well once you have dated Andrew Dolan for a few years you realize how truly thrilling and exciting the sport of Hockey can be! His parents have season tickets to the Hershey Bears so we always went to the games with them when we came to visit... and it didn't take long to develop an absolute LOVE for these guys! The way they play hockey in Hershey is something like I've never seen before and the fans are incredible! Everyone in Hershey lives, breathes and dies with the bears.... as it should be!

So the past two months have been an exciting time around here! The playoffs started right after Easter in Mid-April and went all the way through til this past Monday- and what a ride! There were some definite highs and lows, but in the end, the Hershey Bears won the Calder Cup for the 11th time in their history, 3rd year of the last 5, and first time at home in the past 30 years! Without a doubt, Monday night's game was the most exciting Hockey game I have ever been to and I will be hard pressed to go to one of that caliber ever again. The bears came out swinging... and boy, did they want it! After dropping the first two games of the series AT HOME, they went on to win all three in Texas. So coming home with a 3 games to 2 advantage with 2 games left in the series was a good feeling, but when no home team had won a game on their own ice for the whole series, there was the smallest hint of uneasiness.

Without going into too much detail, the Bears went ahead early and never relinquished a goal to the Stars! The final score was 4-0 and it was so exciting to watch the guys celebrating on the ice as the final seconds of the game came to an end. Almost all of the 11,002 fans (a record attendance) stayed for the presentation of the MVP and the Calder Cup! It was so exciting and we were all SO HAPPY!!! Chris Borque won the MVP and then the Calder Cup was presented to Bryan Helmer and the place went nuts! It was so cool to see all the players skate around with the cup and it was GREAT that they won it on home ice!

Fans started filtering out, but we stayed for about an hour afterwords! It was great! Chris Borque skated around with the cup once only a couple thousand fans were left and when he came into the penalty box to let fans touch it, I ran down and got a hand on it! I was so happy!

It was a great day, but obviously a little bittersweet because I hated the idea that I was experiencing all of this while Andrew was in hell! It has been tough to go through so many exciting moments without even being able to text Andrew and let him know what is going on. I have enjoyed writing letters though, giving him daily updates on what is happening around here! I can't wait until he reads about the bears winning! He will be so excited!

I guess it is just something I will have to get used to though, fun and exciting things happening while he is away--not only at Ranger School, but also on deployments and training assignments. But that is life in the Army, I suppose.

A Very Happy Birthday, Indeed!

Well here I am, taking the advice of so many and starting my very own blog. What people in civilian life do not understand is how common my story is in military circles, but nonetheless I am diving head first into this blogging world.

On Sunday 16 May 2010 my soldier reported for Ranger School, something he has dreamed about since he was a boy. I remember one of the first conversations we had- before we even started dating- the topic of the ROTC "Ranger Challenge" came up and Andrew said how the Army Rangers are the most elite soldiers in the world. At that point he felt that he would probably never get the opportunity to go to even go to Ranger School, let alone be a Ranger, and now here we are, not even three years later and he is getting his chance!

The first week was stressful for us back home to say the least, but I can't even imagine what Andrew was put through. Every time my phone rang on that first day, my heart sank. It was a weird feeling, but I honestly hoped and prayed that I would not hear from Andrew that day, because if he called, it meant he failed out. Day 1 went by without a word. Before I knew it, the first week (they call it RAP week- when they are really weeding out the weak and are always playing mental games with you) was over. I kept myself busy, but he was always on my mind and in my heart. He sent two letters home so his family and I could know that he was doing well and what he and all the guys were up to and I sent two letters out to him. We decided not to send too many so that we weren't always expecting a letter and then when we actually got a letter it would be a happy surprise! :)

So phase 1 ended on 4 June- which also happened to be Andrew's 23rd birthday! If I got a call from Andrew on the 4th it meant that he passed Phase I and was onto Phase II in the mountains; BUT if he didn't call until the 5th it meant a recycle which would mean three weeks of lockdown at Fort Benning and then restarting the first phase. I was expecting to get a call before noon, thinking that those who passed would be released (for their 8 hour pass) around 8 or 9- as I had been told by other girlfriends and wives who had guys who had already been through Ranger School.

11 o'clock. No word.

12 o'clock. No word.

1 o'clock-- STILL no word. I hated the feeling that I was losing hope (and I hate admitting it now), but in all honesty I was. I was mentally and emotionally preparing myself not only for the possible recycle but also for the call the following day when Andrew would be sure to be very upset.

At 1:30 I checked my sent text messages to find that the "Happy Birthday" text I had sent Andrew that morning had gone through. His phone was on. Why hadn't he called? Didn't matter, he was home and his phone was on! Fifteen or twenty minutes went by and still no call! (Seriously Andrew, next time CALL!) Finally I saw that his roommate was online so I asked if he had heard anything. His roommate said Andrew did well and is moving onto the next phase... and was sitting in the living room. My heart was racing and I asked him to have Andrew call me when he had a minute!

At this point I was at ease because I knew Andrew had moved onto the next phase! I can't tell you how excited and proud and relieved I was! I knew when Andrew called he would probably say "hi, Ranger School sucks. I love you, I miss you, I'm going to bed" and I was fine with that... I just wanted to hear his voice and know that he was okay!

A few minutes later my heart skipped a beat when I heard Andrew's ringtone coming from my cell phone for the first time in three weeks! I picked up the phone and screamed "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABE!" at the top of my lungs! He said his typical "Thanks, girl!" and I couldn't have been happier. I was shocked at how positive and awake he sounded, although knowing him it really shouldn't have surprised me. It was so good to talk to him again and I loved the fact that it was just like any other conversation we had ever had before.

Now for the stats: Out of 490 guys that had started Ranger School three weeks earlier only 184 were moving on to Phase II. That's 39%. Several of those who belonged in the other 61% were either failed out of the program, quit (they call it LOM'd--lack of motivation), or had to recycle the phase. I was so thankful that Andrew did not fall into any of these categories.

He was busy in his 8 hours off, but he did get a lot done and was able to call me once more before heading back to Fort Benning around 7 pm. I was at Shannon's house celebrating Uncle AJ's birthday with her kids who were SO EXCITED when he called to say hi! (Gavin was a little too excited and drooled all over my phone when Andrew was on speaker!) Here they are with the candles that Shannon made that somewhat resemble an "A" and a "J". We put them in Tasty Cakes and prayed, made wishes and sang "Happy Birthday dear Uncle AJ" about 20 times! It was a great way to celebrate a wonderful day!

So all-in-all it was a great day and I definitely went to sleep that night feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I don't know if I am even going to make this blog public or just use it to document my thoughts, I guess only time will tell. For now, I am just happy to be the #1 girl of Ranger Candidate #156.