As our first Post-Deployment Block Leave comes to an end, I wanted to take a look at a list I made early in the deployment regarding all the things we were missing and wanted to do when Andrew returned home. My original list is below in black, and my 2012 updates are in red next to them. Without trying to (infact, I had almost forgotten that I made this list), we nearly accomplished everything on this list.
Get every single hug and kiss in that we can- currently enjoying this
Go to Dinner and a movie- done and done
Text and call whenever we want to without being charged an arm and a leg- loving this
Have SUSHI and experiment with all new kinds of fish- Three sushi dates under our belts in the first month- great success
Catch up on How I Met Your Mother and Entourage
Fall in love with new shows together- ummmm... every heard of The League? and Jimmy Fallon. Actually this is fun because we are introducing each other to new shows!
Go to McDonalds and get 50% off when he wears his uniform- In all honestly, I just can't see us doing this
Have a lazy day watching movies in our PJs- if lazy = slightly hungover :)
Wake up to the smell of his home-made Chocolate Chip Pancakes-I'll never get enough of this
Have a wedding food-tasting day to decide what will be served at the wedding! - TOMORROW!
LOTS of Country Concerts!
Take a picture of Andrew with his cardboard cut out clone- We actually did this over leave, and it was creepy, but awesome
Trips to Boston
... and eating at Fire & Ice- (still planning these two)
Watching Andrew catch up on all that missed time with his nieces and nephews- one of my favorite things to do! "Uncle AJ! Watch this!" "No, Uncle AJ, look at me!" Ah they can't get enough of him!
Pick out wedding bands (jewelry, not musicians)- soon
Long rides in the truck with nowhere in particular to go, just talking and singing along to country music- still remains one of my favorite passtimes
Motorcycle rides on winding back country roads in the springtime- springtime, dead of winter... same thing, right?
Getting the motorcycle out of the apartment.... - GIANT check mark in that box!
Celebrate every 2012 holiday together- not sure I remembered that Andrew is in the ARMY when I wrote this...
Finally become a family on August 4, 2012- love
Road trips to explore new cities
Maybe go to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl- I thank the Good Lord that we did not do this. I don't think my heart could have survived such dispair.
Dinners at Chili's started off with Kickin' Jack Nachos- "Chachi's"
As yesterday officially marked 1 month since Andrew's boots returned to American soil, I realized how very much has changed in our lives in just a few short weeks. Throughout the deployment I would allow myself to dabble in little bits of wedding planning here and there, but now that I have my Hubby-to-be home safe and sound... boy, oh boy, are things rolling!
As excited as I was to plan our wedding while Andrew was gone (and spare him from the "which linen do you prefer? Lavendar, or light lavendar?" conversations), there was always that part that forced me to go to the "what if" place that I spent every day and night trying to keep out of my mind. For each contract I signed, I had to add a clause about refunding the deposit and voiding the contract due to "Military Circumstances beyond the Groom's control". Don't get me wrong, those clauses will most assuredly still be included in all remaining contracts (because, let's face it, we're dealing with the military...) but the implications of that clause are a lot less severe at this point. I spent so much time during this deployment not allowing myself to think of the worst-case scenario (and even now, a month after his safe return I won't even allow myself to type the words), that each time I added that clause to a contract, I felt like I was jinxing Andrew's safety. I hated that feeling.
But here we are, February 2012, and less than 6 months to go until our wedding all of a sudden! Andrew is in the middle of his first of two two-week block leaves, and we are readjusting to life together. I love coming home after a long day of work and having him there waiting to greet me with a kiss! It's so nice to have date-nights whenever we want to, and ride the Harley, watch TV together, and just spend time together. I love that we are just back to "us", no prepping for upcoming schools, or serparations, just living life together in the here and now... something we haven't truly been able to do in years.
It's funny how easily I forgot how much fun we have together. I spent so much time missing the hugs and kisses and stuff, that I almost forgot that Andrew is my best friend, and its just fun to be together! I have to say, it's pretty darn cool (and heck yeah, I'm proud of us for this) that we went an entire year without seeing each other and in many ways it feels like we are stronger than ever. We're finding our way into our next "new normal" and pretty much just enjoying the ride.
Life is good. And I am one very happy girl these days.
Okay, okay... I think I've taken a long enough hiatus from blogging. Believe me though, you would have done the exact. same. thing. if you were in my shoes.
So far, 2012 has been nothing short of magical. Part of me still doesn't believe that this is all real; that everything I have been hoping and praying for for so long is finally here. But guess what? IT IS! And I couldn't be happier!
As our first deployment began to wind down, I noticed myself getting more and more impatient with everything that had just become "normal life" for the past year. I was over it, 8 Main Body flights with thousands of soldiers had already come home to Fort Knox, and I was ready for it to be our turn.
On Tuesday, January 3, 2012 I started the 599.6 mile journey to Louisville. It was a long drive, but totally worth it when I got to our apartment and had days to get everything cleaned and ready for my soldier's return.
On Wednesday Morning, I got my 72 hour notice call, letting me know that Andrew's flight was scheduled and that the homecoming ceremony for Main Body 9 would be on Friday Evening! I wanted so badly to shout it from the rooftops, announce it on every social media outlet on earth, and text everyone I knew. It was so hard to follow OPSEC and keep this information mainly to myself, but I did it, not only to keep the soldiers safe, but also to ensure that and OPSEC violation wouldn't further delay the flight.
The next few days were long, as I watched more friends return home to their loved ones, and finally Andrew's family arrived in Louisville on Friday afternoon. We had pizza at the apartment, and waited for what seemed like an eternity for my 4 hour notice call. When I got it at 6:58 pm I finally let myself get excited. This call meant that Andrew's flight had landed safely at the Louisville Airport. He was within 15 miles of me, and we just had to get through the next couple of hours (and outprocessing paperwork on his end) and a drive down to Fort Knox (about 40 minutes) before we were done with our first deployment.
I finished getting ready, got in the car with the rest of the family and we were on our way! I wish I could put every thought and feeling I had into words, but the truth of the matter is that the next couple of hours are nothing but a haze to me. I expected myself to be a complete emotional wreck (similar to the way I was when he returned home in October for R&R) but in all honesty, I was numb. Like I wouldn't let myself believe that the moment I had been waiting for so long for was finally here. And when I did see Andrew, I felt nothing but shear relief. No more waking in the middle of the night to a weird cell phone noise and not being able to get back to sleep, no more heart stopping every time the door bell rings (although, I think a part of my mind will always go 'there' when we have an unexpected visitor). My prayers had been answered and my soldier was home.
I know from experience, that the best part about other couples' homecomings are the pictures.... so here are some of our favorites
All of us waiting for HOURS!
Finally, they started lifting the curtain, and we could see boots.
My best guess is that it took about 7-10 minutes to fully raise the curtain. This was one of the longest waits of my life.
On 6 January at 2300 hours, 271 soldiers returned home to family and friends.
Searching the see of identical-looking men for mine!
FINALLY!
So what is next for us? Just enjoying life for once. Andrew is participating in his "reintegration training" daily at Fort Knox and I am returning to life as normal back in Pennsylvania. I have some responsibilities to finish at work before joining him in Kentucky this Spring.
As for the blog... don't worry, it's not going away! DPT's, however, are a thing of the past I'm afraid. I'll be around every now and then but probably not every single week. Just when exciting things are happening!
There is a Josh Turner Song (see above) that has always spoken to me and has often helped me through long separations. When Andrew came home last month and I ran into his arms, sobbed on his shoulder for minutes on end, while we held each other as tightly as I possibly could, and then finally got that first kiss I have been dreaming of for so long, it really rang true for me. We had briefly talked about making this our wedding song, but since it's about the Navy, we decided it was not quite "ours". That's not to say though that every single lyric to this song doesn't bring a tear to my eye, because it most definitely does; and depending on the day I'm having or the mood I'm in, most of the time I can't even make it through the song in it's entirety without skipping to the next song on my iPod (especially when I'm driving).
Last week I posted the first picture taken of Andrew and I in the past 9 months, but I didn't explain the story.
Andrew's tentative date to be home was Monday, October 17th. As I told many people during that time, if I were a betting woman, that is the one day in the entire month I could tell you 100% for certain that Andrew's leave would NOT start. Ding ding ding! Win for me. KO 1, Army 0. Not getting your hopes up is absolutely vital for any military family.
I had very little communication with Andrew while he was in transit (all in all, about 20 hours of flight time took him over 5 full days) so on Monday night when Andrew texted me and said he was in Germany, it wasn't shocked (at that point it had been about 2 days since I had heard word from him). Since the Army will pay for their soldiers going on R&R to fly anywhere in the world, Andrew's plan was to fly directly to Harrisburg. When he landed in Atlanta on Tuesday morning, he realized that flying into Baltimore would save him a layover in Chicago and add several more hours of leave. Thankfully, he was able to use the internet at the USO (great charity, if anyone is looking where to send their extra cash!) in Atlanta to get a hold of me and tell me his new plans.
So Tuesday at 4, Mom and Dad Dolan and I drove down to BWI to pick up our soldier! Honestly the whole day felt like a day dream. I couldn't eat, the night before I don't think I got a wink of sleep, and I was basically a complete basket case waiting in anticipation of seeing my sweetheart.
We got to the airport just as Andrew's flight was landing and waited for what seemed like another 9 months outside of the security checkpoint for Delta flights.
I was beginning to get worried that Andrew was already at baggage claim or that we were at the wrong place, when Dad leaned over to me and said "who is that, coming around that corner?"
My heart actually stopped. I almost choked on my own breath before he even caught a glimpse of me. Within a split second, I made the decision that I couldn't wait for him to walk another 20 feet to get to me, I said "I don't care, I'm goin' in!", ran past the huge "DO NOT ENTER" security checkpoint sign, and RAN as fast as I could. He had just enough time to throw his bag down before I reached him and we threw our arms around each other.
I couldn't even get words out. I made total girly-girl stupid sobbing noises I had never heard myself make before as I buried my face into his shoulder and all I remember was him saying "Wow, you're even prettier than I remember". It was the single most amazing feeling I have ever experienced in my life, and our first kiss was definitely the sweetest (and saltiest- because of my tears) of my life.
Pure Joy
Brotherly Love
Shannon and Andrew
It took a little while for the kids to warm up to their uncle, but within ten minutes they couldn't get enough of him!
A few months ago I asked Lillia what she was going to do when she saw Uncle AJ again. Her response: "Scream, of course! And then hug him forever"
Where is Afghanistan, Uncle AJ?
The kids (minus Jared) with their gifts from Afghanistan. Children don't have toys to play with, so the only thing Andrew could bring home for them were clothing items in the form of hats and scarves. (I love Austin's "tough-guy" face in this one!"
The first hours of R&R were perfect, just the way I envisioned them. We spent time with the family at the house and then extended family after the Aunt's finished bowling (without me-- Sorry, Aunt Lori!) and everything was right with the world- no worrying, no text messages, unlimited hugs and kisses, no quick addition to figure out what time it is in a place far away, and no holding my breath whenever the doorbell unexpectedly rang.
Today I'm just happy. I got a solid 10 emails in with Andrew this morning after I woke up and before communication got shut off; we seem to be out of the path of Hurricane Irene; I met with and put a deposit down for my florist for our wedding (she is wonderful, and sees everything exactly the way I do- I couldn't be more thrilled about using her and would be more than happy to recommend her to any brides who are still looking); and, a year ago today was the happiest moment of my life (to that point).
It's amazing how much can change in a year. I was Andrew's girlfriend, I had just been through the longest summer of my life (or so I thought) hanging on every letter, dashing to the mailbox as soon as I got home from work (twice on days that I stopped home for lunch), and never knowing exactly what was going on in Andrew's world. On this date, 365 days ago, I had the honor to pin that Ranger Tab on my soldier's shoulder. I don't know that I've ever had a prouder moment. He had worked so hard for that tab, and every lonely night and re-read letter was completely, totally, 150 million percent worth it to see that smile on his face when I told him "you did it babe, no matter what, nobody can ever take this away from you, Congratulations, Ranger!"
And now, here we are. A full year later. I am no longer Andrew's girlfriend... I'm his fiancee and planning our wedding while he is deployed. It's days like today that make me so happy... remembering the joy we felt last year, not only at the graduation ceremony, but also two days before when I surprised him on his 8 hour pass. Literally the moment I saw him I screamed and nothing else mattered. That goofy grin on his face, shaking his head as we pushed through the sea of dirty camo and reunions all around us trying to get to one another; that moment made every tear and every worry I had had that summer disappear. Being apart didn't matter- we were together for that moment.
When people say to me "I don't know how you do it" or "well, I could never do that", I actually feel sorry for them. They don't feel the love I feel, they don't get to prove to their significant other every day how much they care. The military tests relationships, the strong survive and the weak falter, and we are lucky enough to not only have survived the tests the military as thrown our way, but we have grown from them.
I love our life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love that my future-husband stands up and fights for what he believes in, and will do anything possible to attain his goals, even when the road is not easy. The separations and voids I feel from him being gone are filled by the happy faces and giggles of six beautiful little children that will tell you all the pride they can possibly muster: "my uncle is a RANGER! He's fighting in Afghanistan so that we can be safe!"
Well this post got long and mushy in a hurry. Definitely not my intention, but you get what you get, I guess. I suppose all I'm really trying to say is that I can't believe a year has gone by, and I am so excited for this time next year when I will officially be Mrs. Ranger.
23 June 2010 was- to that point- probably the hardest day of my life. It was the day Andrew was recycled when he was 40 hours away from completing Mountains Phase at Ranger School. Him calling home to report the news was the single worst phone call of my life, and at the time we both had an impossible time being positive about anything. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to hear the sound of such sheer and utter disappointment in the voice of the man I loved so dearly, knowing there was nothing I could do to make it better.
At that time, I didn't think there could be any worse feeling. A year later it still stings, but now I feel as though everything has been put into perspective. On Sunday there was an incident involving one of our closest friends in Afghanistan that hit a little too close to home. Everyone is alive and "okay", but my world was completely shaken.
I am not going to get into detail because it's a private matter for the family involved; but ever since I heard the news, I haven't been able to shake the "what if's" from my head. It made the fact that Andrew and some of his our closest friends are over there at war. Not just playing games with guns. This week more than ever, I just feel so thankful for the little blessings in life. The way Lillia came running to me and jumping into my arms when I came home the other day. The sheer pride I feel for being an American. Even the fact that Andrew is thousands of miles away from me means so little when there is the promise of a life together on the other end. When Andrew was recycled, the 9 additional weeks he would spend in "the bad place" felt like an eternity. Now looking back, it seems like the blink of an eye. I can hardly believe that we are almost halfway through this deployment, and I know that the moment I see him and wrap my arms around him that same feeling will return. Where did the time go?
It's funny because I can already feel this year blurring together in my mind. It is one of the strangest feelings ever. I find myself forgetting what month it is, or what time of year; something that is very out of character for me. It's hard to explain. For instance, yesterday I heard something on the radio about a band coming to the area in September. My initial thought was "why are they advertising for something 8 months away?" Apparently in my brain it is currently February. But then last week I thought it was November for a split second. I have to really concentrate and think to figure out what month it is. I don't know what's going on, but it's a very foreign feeling to me. I've always been the one in my family and in my circle of friends who remembered the exact dates of things that have happened in my life. This deployment; no such luck. I'm not even remembering if things happened before or after Andrew left. It's freaking me out a little bit to be completely honest. Has anyone experienced this when dealing with long separations?
The positive of this all is that by the time 2012 gets here I'll probably be being treated for mental illness and I won't know which way is up. In all seriousness though, I am longing for the true feeling of "where did that time go?" and "I can't believe it's all over!" I pray each and every day that that day will hurry up and get here already, but I know this is just a small step in our journey. A journey that I am so excited to officially start as husband and wife just over a year from now.
And, incase you're wondering: click here to recap what was going through my mind a year ago today...
In my family, I have always been known as the Queen of Dates. If my mom wants to know what year we took a certain vacation, or my dad wants to know the date (and year) of a second cousin a gazillion times removed's birthday, I am the go-to-gal. That is just the way my brain works for some reason, I'm really good at remembering dates.
So imagine my chagrin when Andrew Dolan comes waltzing into my life almost three and a half years ago. The boy can hardly remember his own birthday, let alone anyone else's- or any other milestone! (I have so many stories to demonstrate my point, but I can't let myself get into them... it is simply tooembarrassing and heartbreaking for all parties involved). We physically could not be more different in this aspect.
Today marks exactly one month since Andrew left for Afghanistan, and it is almost hard to believe that we have made it to the first huge milestone! I am so relieved this first month is over and we are getting into the swing of this deployment.
Because I am always thinking about dates and things that have happened in our lives, each month I find myself looking forward to a few key days. Always having something to look forward to definitely makes time go by faster! This deployment, I have 5 main days every month that I really look forward to; and they all serve as benchmarks to another mini-milestone that has passed.
4th- One month closer to our wedding day: August 2012
16th- X-Day: this deployment officially started: January 2011
19th- Our "dating anniversary"/first kiss: October 2007
22nd- Andrew Proposed in Boston: October 2010
27th- Ranger School Graduation: August 2010
I know that some people, including my betrothed, think it is silly to celebrate an anniversary each month (actually, truth be told, I think that is silly, too), but there is a difference between "celebrating" something each month (with gifts and cards and extra lovey-dovey-ness) and just looking forward for that date to come (and pass) each month. I will say that I, by no means, keep track of how many months we have been together as a couple or anything like that, but there is something nice and refreshing about having each of these days come around each month. To me, it means one less of those "days" are left until we can finally be together again... and that has been making time F-L-Y!
Today was the day that Jared, Alisia, Lillia, Gavin, Quinn and Austin had been looking forward to all summer (not to mention Mr. and Mrs. Dolan!)!! After months without their favorite youngest uncle (Victor and Sean are awesome uncles too!) and a 14 hour drive over two days, they would finally get to see Uncle AJ!!! I made a DVD slideshow of all the pictures I could find of Andrew on my computer for everyone to watch on the drive down and put American songs in the background (like "Proud to be an American- which Lillia and Alisia know EVERY word to- so precious)! The slide show was a hit and Andrew's mom even said she cried! Not my intention, but always nice to know people appreciate your work!
Jen and I picked up the guys from Camp Rodgers around 4:30 this afternoon and after a quick stop at the apartment Andrew and I were on our way to the Dolans' hotel (he was still riding shotgun at this point) for the big reunion. As I drove up the the SpringHill Suites in Columbus I saw all the kids lined up along the fence just waiting to see Andrew! I pulled into the closest spot I could find, put the truck in park and watched as six little munchkins came running at their hero. I couldn't help but cry. It was the most touching moment you could imagine. It almost meant more to me than my reunion with Andrew yesterday (I said almost, let's not get carried away here). I knew the kids had missed him all summer and I was there to talk to them if they had questions or just wanted to talk about Uncle AJ, but I know that I can never replace him. I am finding it so hard to put into words how much this moment meant to me. To see these six kids-- who I have come to love so much in the past few years-- run towards the man I love and want to eventually start a family with was just so moving. He couldn't have been happier in that moment at Gavin (the youngest at 2 1/2) offered to share his lollipop and proceed to shove it into Andrew's face! I just stood back and took it all in!
Mom was next to get a hug, followed by a handshake and a hug from a very proud Dad! Everyone was so happy to see Andrew again and I could tell that Mr. and Mrs. Dolan were so thrilled to have their WHOLE family together again.
We took pictures galore! And nobody complained one bit! My parents also made the trip down for the graduation and it was so great to see them as always! So the 16 of us piled into 4 vehicles and headed off to dinner at the Mellow Mushroom, a local (delicious) pizza place! We had a great meal, went back to hang out at the hotel with everyone for a while and then it was time to head back to the apartment to pick up Zack and Jen and bring the boys back to the barracks for the last time!
Tomorrow is going to be an early day, but so worth it. Andrew will officially become an Army Ranger! Today he told me that he wants me to be the one to pin his tab on. I had secretly hoped he would ask me, but it is extremely unorthodox to have a girlfriend do the pinning so I am beyond honored. I can't wait to see him tomorrow and be able to say that Ranger School is officially over!!
Well the day finally came for me to see Andrew after 3 1/2 LONG months apart of waiting 3 weeks for a single phone call and only writing letters back and forth! I was excited for today because I knew I would finally get to jump into Andrew's arms, Andrew was excited for today because it was one day closer to seeing me and the family and because it would be his first day out of Ranger School in over 100 days.
This morning at 12:30 I drove with McAdam's girlfriend, Jen, to Camp Rogers at Fort Benning to pick up our guys! Andrew had no clue I was coming (Jen had suggested I hide in the back of Zack's truck so that Andrew would really have no clue I was there, but as we waited and waited (for almost 2 full hours) I got too excited that I couldn't hide from him! We waited and waited outside Camp Rogers basically forever but soon the guys started piling out and all the wives and girlfriends and families started waiting around the gate looking for their Ranger to come out. Some guys were wearing ACUs and others were in Civis so neither of us had any idea what to look for!
At one point Jen ran away from me because she thought she saw Zack, but it turned out that she RAN (in a full sprint) to the wrong guy! She came back and she was so sad and embarrassed, but then we continued looking for our guys together! A few hours minutes later Jen said "Kristina, there's Andrew! There he is!" I couldn't find him so she pointed him out again! I scanned though the mass of Rangers coming my way and when I finally met his eyes and I let out an absolute shrill of excitement! Haha! I didn't plan on screaming but that's just how it went! I RAN as fast as I could into his arms (by the time I spotted him though, be was honestly only 5 feet from me). He was overloaded with lots of gear but he didn't even have time to drop them before I was in his arms! I didn't see the look on his face when he first saw me, but Jen said he had the biggest smile on his face and was just shaking his head in disbelief! I wish I had seen it, but I have a perfect image of how he reacted and that is second best!
After the initial hugs and kisses were over we found Jen and McAdams again and loaded all of the guys' gear into the back of the truck and Jen drove us all back to the good olde IP (Independence Place- where Zack and Andrew live). I can't express how excited Andrew was to see a Tupperware container full of his mom's famous home-made chocolate chip cookies! I don't think we had even left base before every single cookie had been eaten!
It was so nice to hold Andrew's hand and look into his eyes as we drove back to the apartment. Everything that I had been missing for the past 100+ days was sitting there right next to me and it was everything I had dreamed it would be. I kept whispering to him "I can't believe this is real!" It was so amazing, it was so weird that everything Ranger School had put us through was all behind us. I cried for about a nanosecond and then it was like the past 3 1/2 months just disappeared. Every single moment of feeling lonely and sad, every day spent without Andrew, every worry and every last tear was worth it all for that first hug. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant seeing that smile on Andrew's face at the end of it. God, I love that smile!
The rest of the 8(ish) hour pass was a blur. Andrew's first priorities were food and bathing! I put some laundry in while he showered and he told me after "do you know how nice it feels to shower without 60 other naked dudes around you?!" I guess it's the little things that you miss! It sure did make me giggle though! After a few phone calls to family and friends, and a jump from the landscaping company (the truck didn't take the 3 1/2 months of neglect so well) we went to Commandos and Ranger Joes to get all the Rangeriffic merchandise we could get our hands on! Commandos is my favorite, because they make every Ranger class feel special with the signage out in front of the store! We loaded up on so many t-shirts, sweatpants, shotglasses, sweatshirts, bumper stickers.... you name it, they had it! And we were all too happy to pay a small fortune for it. (Actually though, their prices were very reasonable, but it sounds better this way!)
Next up was dinner with Andrew's Ranger Buddy, Joe Shane, and his wife, Ashley, at Red Robin! They are such a cute and fun couple and she has the cutest southern accent that I am oh, so jealous of! We had lots of fun and the boys pigged out on burgers, all you can eat fries, and lots of milkshakes and Andrew's (secret) favorite, Strawberry Freckled Lemonade! After dinner weI drove back to the apartment (the guys can't drive while they are still in Ranger School so that only leaves yours truly to drive the Silver Bullet!!) where we watched Archer and played a loooooong overdue hand of Monopoly Deal!
Around 8:30 McAdams and Jen came over and it was time to take the guys back to the barracks. I got to drive again (yay me!) and then filled up the truck with gas so that that was one less thing that Andrew would have to do once he graduated.
I can't wait to see him again tomorrow! Today was like a dream! I still can't believe this is all coming to an end! Today made everything so worth it. Now the goal is to make it through the next two days and I'll have my very own ARMY RANGER! It still doesn't seem real, but it's not stopping me from getting mighty excited!
