RANGER +1 Year

Today I'm just happy. I got a solid 10 emails in with Andrew this morning after I woke up and before communication got shut off; we seem to be out of the path of Hurricane Irene; I met with and put a deposit down for my florist for our wedding (she is wonderful, and sees everything exactly the way I do- I couldn't be more thrilled about using her and would be more than happy to recommend her to any brides who are still looking); and, a year ago today was the happiest moment of my life (to that point).

It's amazing how much can change in a year. I was Andrew's girlfriend, I had just been through the longest summer of my life (or so I thought) hanging on every letter, dashing to the mailbox as soon as I got home from work (twice on days that I stopped home for lunch), and never knowing exactly what was going on in Andrew's world. On this date, 365 days ago, I had the honor to pin that Ranger Tab on my soldier's shoulder. I don't know that I've ever had a prouder moment. He had worked so hard for that tab, and every lonely night and re-read letter was completely, totally, 150 million percent worth it to see that smile on his face when I told him "you did it babe, no matter what, nobody can ever take this away from you, Congratulations, Ranger!"

And now, here we are. A full year later. I am no longer Andrew's girlfriend... I'm his fiancee and planning our wedding while he is deployed. It's days like today that make me so happy... remembering the joy we felt last year, not only at the graduation ceremony, but also two days before when I surprised him on his 8 hour pass. Literally the moment I saw him I screamed and nothing else mattered. That goofy grin on his face, shaking his head as we pushed through the sea of dirty camo and reunions all around us trying to get to one another; that moment made every tear and every worry I had had that summer disappear. Being apart didn't matter- we were together for that moment.

When people say to me "I don't know how you do it" or "well, I could never do that", I actually feel sorry for them. They don't feel the love I feel, they don't get to prove to their significant other every day how much they care. The military tests relationships, the strong survive and the weak falter, and we are lucky enough to not only have survived the tests the military as thrown our way, but we have grown from them. 

I love our life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love that my future-husband stands up and fights for what he believes in, and will do anything possible to attain his goals, even when the road is not easy. The separations and voids I feel from him being gone are filled by the happy faces and giggles of six beautiful little children that will tell you all the pride they can possibly muster: "my uncle is a RANGER! He's fighting in Afghanistan so that we can be safe!"

Well this post got long and mushy in a hurry. Definitely not my intention, but you get what you get, I guess. I suppose all I'm really trying to say is that I can't believe a year has gone by, and I am so excited for this time next year when I will officially be Mrs. Ranger.

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 23

23 June 2010 was- to that point- probably the hardest day of my life. It was the day Andrew was recycled when he was 40 hours away from completing Mountains Phase at Ranger School. Him calling home to report the news was the single worst phone call of my life, and at the time we both had an impossible time being positive about anything. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to hear the sound of such sheer and utter disappointment in the voice of the man I loved so dearly, knowing there was nothing I could do to make it better.

At that time, I didn't think there could be any worse feeling. A year later it still stings, but now I feel as though everything has been put into perspective. On Sunday there was an incident involving one of our closest friends in Afghanistan that hit a little too close to home. Everyone is alive and "okay", but my world was completely shaken.

I am not going to get into detail because it's a private matter for the family involved; but ever since I heard the news, I haven't been able to shake the "what if's" from my head. It made the fact that Andrew and some of his our closest friends are over there at war. Not just playing games with guns. This week more than ever, I just feel so thankful for the little blessings in life. The way Lillia came running to me and jumping into my arms when I came home the other day. The sheer pride I feel for being an American. Even the fact that Andrew is thousands of miles away from me means so little when there is the promise of a life together on the other end. When Andrew was recycled, the 9 additional weeks he would spend in "the bad place" felt like an eternity. Now looking back, it seems like the blink of an eye. I can hardly believe that we are almost halfway through this deployment, and I know that the moment I see him and wrap my arms around him that same feeling will return. Where did the time go?


It's funny because I can already feel this year blurring together in my mind. It is one of the strangest feelings ever. I find myself forgetting what month it is, or what time of year; something that is very out of character for me. It's hard to explain. For instance, yesterday I heard something on the radio about a band coming to the area in September. My initial thought was "why are they advertising for something 8 months away?" Apparently in my brain it is currently February. But then last week I thought it was November for a split second. I have to really concentrate and think to figure out what month it is. I don't know what's going on, but it's a very foreign feeling to me. I've always been the one in my family and in my circle of friends who remembered the exact dates of things that have happened in my life. This deployment; no such luck. I'm not even remembering if things happened before or after Andrew left. It's freaking me out a little bit to be completely honest. Has anyone experienced this when dealing with long separations?

The positive of this all is that by the time 2012 gets here I'll probably be being treated for mental illness and I won't know which way is up. In all seriousness though, I am longing for the true feeling of "where did that time go?" and "I can't believe it's all over!" I pray each and every day that that day will hurry up and get here already, but I know this is just a small step in our journey. A journey that I am so excited to officially start as husband and wife just over a year from now.


And, incase you're wondering:  click here to recap what was going through my mind a year ago today...

May the Seventeenth

I have never been one to believe in signs or messages from beyond, but ever since meeting Andrew there have been a few things that have stood out to us that make us sure that if there are such a thing as signs, they're pointing to us being us forever. One of these impossible to ignore signs is this very date: May 17th. This day has been one of the most important days of each year since we have known each other.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?

2008:
After studying abroad in Italy for four months, I returned home to the arms of Andrew, who surprised me by picking me up with a beautiful bouquet of flowers at Logan Airport in Boston. My time in Italy was a big test for our relationship, we had only met three months before I left so I was gone for longer than I had known him. I remember my first days in Florence, I couldn't stop talking to people about him (it just kept coming up, like word vomit- name that movie!) everyone was shocked when they found out our relationship was so new. We knew if this was ever going to work for us, long-distance would be something we would have to get used to and Italy was a great test run for that. Plus, looking back, it was a good experience for me to be the one away from home and him to be the one waiting for me. Every single separation we've had since then has been the other way around, so I think it is good we each know what it is like to be in the others' shoes. (er, well, if you take away the war aspect of the equation, I  suppose)

Coming back home and running into Andrew's arms and the fact that the second we got into his truck it was like we had never been apart told me that this was for keeps. I already knew that, but it just validated everything I had been thinking for the past few months.

2009:
Goodbye, College! We graduated from Stonehill in 2009. Emotionally, I had a harder time with no longer living with seven of my best friends than anything else, but it was an adjustment time for both of us. I was such a wreck on graduation day, I didn't even want to take pictures with my family or Andrew for some reason. My parents will get a kick out of this, but: YES I REGRET IT! It was just such an emotionally draining day, but spending time with our families together after the hooplah was all done was a great way to relax.

The night before graduations was hands-down one of the best nights of college. All of the graduation seniors went up to Donahue Hill, which is basically the only hill with a mansion on it on campus, and hung out up there all night. Somebody brought a keg, somebody else brought DJ equipment, it was such a fun time. It started raining at one point and nobody cared, we were all soaked and stayed out til 4 or 5 in the morning when we had to be up at 7:30 for graduation.

wee morning hours- 17 May 2009

2010:
Ranger School Day 1. Something Andrew has been looking forward to for years on end. When I found out last January that Andrew had orders to start "the bad place" on that day, I couldn't believe it. Three years in a row, three huge life events! And arguably the three biggest events in our relationship up to that point (save when we actually met, the first time I kicked his butt at Mario Kart, etc...) it's pretty incredible if you really think about it. Ranger School was another test for us. It gave me a chance to prove that I wasn't going anywhere, even when facing weeks with no communication other than letters, and I think it had a lot to do with us getting engaged when we did.

17 May 2010

A few months ago we also found one more goose-bump inspiring connection to May 17th. Andrew was going to get my engagement ring appraised and insured and took out the certificate of authenticity and my diamond was certified on May 17, 2010. Andrew had no idea when he bought it.

I don't know, maybe we are just looking for reasons to love May 17th and it's all some weird, funky coincidence, but I find that hard to believe. Last year at this time, Mom, Shannon and I were thinking maybe May 17, 2014 (a Saturday) would be our wedding date (that's when I was still convinced Andrew would make me wait til after his first deployment to get engaged).

Today as I drove to work, I was expecting to feel uplifted and happy that we reached another May 17th and that we are 4 months and 1 day into this deployment. Instead I was a little bit let down to not have something really exciting to look forward to today. I think Andrew's unit is on a communication blackout because I haven't heard from him since Sunday night, so when all is said and done, I will count it as a huge victory to get one little email tonight with three little words from a solider who I love very much in a far away place.

A Whole Quarter!

I am so, so, so happy and beyond excited to report that an entire quarter of this deployment is behind us forever! Yep, you read that right. A quarter, one-forth, a quadrant, twenty-five percent.... however you want to look at it, it's gone! Never to be seen or heard from again!

Three whole months in the books! It's so funny to look back on because parts of me feel like this time has flown by and then other parts of me feels like we're not making any progress. It's hard to imagine that Ranger School was 3 1/2 months long... that seems like sooooooo much longer than the three months we've already invested in this deployment. I guess the major difference there was that we didn't know what to expect with Ranger School and we were living with the ever-present threat of a recycle that would extend the school by 3-6 weeks. We are months away from dealing with the changing dates of this deployment at this point- which I assure you, will happen. 

This weekend was a great way to celebrate the closing of Q1. On Friday night Mom Dolan and I went to dinner and shopping and I got some great new dresses and outfits for the spring/summer as well as my upcoming business trip to Orlando (can't wait)! I've come to the conclusion that I'm an emotional shopper. Where others seek comfort in foods or alcohol, when I'm stressed, I shop. The day Andrew recycled Ranger School I bought two pairs of adorably impractical shoes that --combined-- I have worn a grand total of one time. Emotional shopping though, when done with the help of an expert (insert Mom Dolan) is actually quite beneficial and great for my wardrobe! 

Yesterday we had a church retreat in Harrisburg (as one of the final steps of my RCIA process before I actually convert- which won't be happening until my Sponsor, Andrew, is here to witness it and join in my first communion with me) and then I drove down to DC to be with my family! My brother starts work at a new job tomorrow and just moved in with his girlfriend (who I love) just outside of the city. Our family was meeting her family for the first time, but we all had such a fun evening. Lots of driving for a short visit, but definitely worth it!

Today after Palm Sunday Mass, Shannon's family was over for lunch when the house phone rang... which is kind of weird for a Sunday. Dad Dolan answered and I knew right away by the tone in his voice who was on the other end! My heart just about leaped out of my chest and I got butterflies in my stomach. He was on the phone for a little while, and I sat in the den with him on speaker while he talked to his parents (and Gavin, who RAN to the phone when he found out it was his God-Daddy). All of a sudden, the call was dropped and all we could hear was a busy-tone. I was crushed. I hadn't even said hi to him, he didn't even know I was there. 

We all waited for about five minutes before we realized he wasn't calling back and the network must have just gone down. Saying I was heart-broken would be an understatement. I had to take some time to myself and let myself meltdown for a bit. Everything just hit me like a ton of bricks, I had been praying so hard that I would be able to talk to Andrew this weekend. Physically talk to him. Not email or text, I needed to hear his voice and just carry on a conversation and bounce ideas off of him. I really thought this was the answer to my prayers and just as fast as it happened, it was gone. A few minutes later I got a text from Andrew saying "Bummer, the network must be down. That was way too short, were you there"? I texted him back as quickly as I could and said I was there and begged him to go to the MWR and try to use skype. I wasn't going to give up. I had to talk to him. It took almost a full hour and a half to get everything up and running, and many many failed calls, but we finally did it. I could see his grainy face and his smile warmed my heart. 

Alisia and Lillia were with me when the call finally went through and I was so happy that the computer almost fell off my lap! Alisia found it necessary to tell Andrew "Aunt Tina was cryyyyyy-ing!" but it was cute the way she said it and we were all just happy to have him be a part of our lives for the time being. We talked for 42 minutes and 12 seconds and I basked in the glory of every single moment of it. Joking around and not worrying about how much each text is going to cost or if what I'm saying is going to be read and understood the way I am intending was liberating. It's like he wasn't even gone this afternoon, he was inside my computer laughing with me and carrying on a normal back and forth, give and take conversation. It was simply amazing, and the best part was that we got to decide when the conversation ended. Not the Taliban (who control the cell phone network over there), not the wireless companies, or anyone waiting in line for a pay phone (a la Ranger School). It was time for Andrew to get to bed and we got to squeeze in lots of "I love you"s (which mean a bazillion times more when they are said, not typed) and "I miss you"s. 

Over the course of those two or three hours today, I went from probably the lowest low I have been at this deployment (save the day he actually left) to one of the highest highs. It was a struggle, but in the end, it made that 42:12 call all the more special.

My Soldier - My Hero - My World - My Everything

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 10

YEUPPPP! Week 10! I can't believe we are to double digits! And if everything goes according to plan (which it won't, because we're dealing with the Army here) that also means that as of last Tuesday (day 65) we have less than 300 days left of this beast. Still a long road a head of us, but we're slowly but surely making our way through this.

I've been pretty under the weather this week, so last night instead of going to the gym I stayed home to unpack from my weekend in Boston (those who know me know that this, along with packing, is hands-down my least favorite thing to do; in fact, when I was traveling to Louisville every weekend this past fall and winter I never actually unpacked completely, I just took my dirty clothes out and replaced them with new outfits). While I was putting everything away, I came across our Ranger School books (read about them here) that I made of all the letters we wrote back and forth this summer during Andrew's time at "the bad place", as he and his buddies call it.

I couldn't see it at the time, but Ranger School (and all the stress that came with it) was totally, one hundred and fifty million percent worth it. Part of me misses running to the mailbox every day to see if there was a letter waiting for me, and believe me, I would have never guessed that I would have said that seven months ago. I can't describe the feeling I had when I saw surprised Andrew after over three and a half months apart, and I won't even try to say how much it meant to me to pin his Ranger Tab on his left shoulder two days later at graduation. All the pain from the summer disappeared into thin air the moment I was in his arms again, and it's really nice to know that I have that feeling to look forward to again this fall... only we will have been apart three times as long, so it is going to be three times as sweet!

Reading through all of those letters (yes, I really read them all; it took several hours) made me so thankful that we have that period of our lives documented forever. All the emotions, the stories, and day-to-day happenings are all there for us to re-live whenever we want. We aren't the type of couple that writes ten page long mooshy-gooshy love letters pouring our hearts out, which makes the sweet little "I love you, girl" lines mean that much more. We planned out what we were going to do on leave, different trips we could take, what life was like. The summer of 2010 seemed to drag on forever, but knowing there was a letter coming soon, or a call (even if it was just for 5 minutes every three weeks) was due soon, was something to look forward to and helped to pass the time.

I still get emotional when I think about that summer. It's not easy waking up every day knowing that the one person you love most in the whole world is going through absolute hell, barely ingesting enough calories in a whole day to sustain an average adult for 4 days, not to mention the physical aspect. I read somewhere that it takes the body three full years to recover from the damage that is done during Ranger School. But it didn't matter, this was Andrew's dream, so it was my dream too. Forget about the physical and mental torture and shear exhaustion, Andrew's letters were usually upbeat and positive. I loved when he wrote about blueberry pancakes or sneaking off into the woods to find patches of blackberries, or silly stories of "Sleepy Rangers", like the one who he found giving a safety brief to a group of bushes and trees. It was the little things that made him happy, and they always made me smile. My favorite was always when he fell asleep in the middle of a sentence, which often happened a few times in a row before he would finally start over on a new page.  I love that we have stories and feelings written down that we probably would have never remembered otherwise.

So basically what I'm trying to say in this rather long-winded post is that even though Ranger School wasn't exactly ideal while it was happening, I'm thankful for it. It was so worth it in the end, and so many amazing things came from it that we could have never foreseen. Not only do we have these amazing letters to look back on, but we also were engaged almost exactly two months after Andrew graduated. Even though we were apart, Ranger School really brought us together in ways I could have never imagined, and I really enjoyed looking back on that last night. I can't even imagine reading through all of our emails, letters and cards in the years to come that I'm putting together in our Deployment Communication Binder. A whole year apart is a long time, but I can't wait until the days ahead that we get to look back on this time.

Graduation Day
27 August 2010

Our New Toy!

A few weeks ago, Andrew saw a deal on this awesome camera that we had had our eye on for a while so he sent me off to the mystical and far-away land of Costco to get it (this is when the money transfer woes from Citizens bank started up again). I was so excited to pick it up because two of his relatives have the same cameras and they take beautiful pictures! It's Andrew's second big purchase for us and for our married life (the first, of course, being my beautiful Engagement ring) and I get so excited thinking of all the places we will take it and all of the fabulous pictures we will take along our journey together.

Welp, life has gotten away from me recently and the camera and all of its accessories sat in my room, in a box for close to a month. I didn't even open the box a single time until earlier this week, and even that was just to appease Andrew when he kept asking me to make sure all the parts he paid for were there. But this afternoon, I sat down with this baby, and boy oh boy is it a cool camera! I didn't have any cool subjects to take pictures of today, so I was just messing around with the settings and different functions with things I found around here (including my favorite-ever gift; the ring!) So here goes nothing, my first shot at "serious" (yeah, right) photography! Can't wait to see what other kind of memories this amazing camera will capture!

My rings, a spare Helmet Strap, my wish hear-shaped stone that Mom gave me during Ranger School (from the Eat, Pray, Love store) to keep under my pillow, and my miniature ACU pillow (that serves more as a cuddle buddy than actual head support while sleeping)

Pay no attention to the late-night post; I've got a soldier to talk to in Afghanistan, people! When I'm struggling to stay awake at the wee hour of 0100, he is already done with breakfast and well into his day at work 1030. Can't believe we almost have two full months of this deployment behind us. What a great feeling that will be! 

Benchmarks

In my family, I have always been known as the Queen of Dates. If my mom wants to know what year we took a certain vacation, or my dad wants to know the date (and year) of a second cousin a gazillion times removed's birthday, I am the go-to-gal. That is just the way my brain works for some reason, I'm really good at remembering dates.

So imagine my chagrin when Andrew Dolan comes waltzing into my life almost three and a half years ago. The boy can hardly remember his own birthday, let alone anyone else's- or any other milestone! (I have so many stories to demonstrate my point, but I can't let myself get into them... it is simply too embarrassing and heartbreaking for all parties involved). We physically could not be more different in this aspect.

Today marks exactly one month since Andrew left for Afghanistan, and it is almost hard to believe that we have made it to the first huge milestone! I am so relieved this first month is over and we are getting into the swing of this deployment.

Because I am always thinking about dates and things that have happened in our lives, each month I find myself looking forward to a few key days. Always having something to look forward to definitely makes time go by faster! This deployment, I have 5 main days every month that I really look forward to; and they all serve as benchmarks to another mini-milestone that has passed.

4th- One month closer to our wedding day: August 2012

16th- X-Day: this deployment officially started: January 2011

19th- Our "dating anniversary"/first kiss: October 2007

22nd- Andrew Proposed in Boston: October 2010

27th- Ranger School Graduation: August 2010

I know that some people, including my betrothed, think it is silly to celebrate an anniversary each month (actually, truth be told, I think that is silly, too), but there is a difference between "celebrating" something each month (with gifts and cards and extra lovey-dovey-ness) and just looking forward for that date to come (and pass) each month. I will say that I, by no means, keep track of how many months we have been together as a couple or anything like that, but there is something nice and refreshing about having each of these days come around each month. To me, it means one less of those "days" are left until we can finally be together again... and that has been making time F-L-Y!

I'm Officially Never Going to Sleep Again

This week started out wonderfully, and except for the darn Steelers/Jets game the weekend was just about perfect! Not that I was rooting for the Jets, but football is one thing that Andrew and I will never see eye-to-eye on... but that is another story for another day. Moral of the story: GO PACKERS!

Monday was hands-down the BEST day since deployment started.... and it'll be hard to top in the 350+ days we have left. Mom (Dolan) and I spent the day at The Spa at the Hotel Hershey. Ladies: this is something you must do for yourselves every once in a while. Deployment or not, we all have stressors in our lives and I cannot tell you how much a day of pampering can do for you. It was simply wonderful. We spend hours at the hotel. We had lunch in our robes at a special restaurant only open for spa guests and visited all the shops inside the hotel. We even brought home cupcakes so that Dad could enjoy the benefits of our day, too!

I decided that while we were there, we might as well meet with the wedding coordinator since I still don't have the contract I asked for almost 2 weeks ago. She agreed to meet with us and she put my mind at ease. Sometimes I forget I still have over 18 months to plan this wedding! We talked about some details and she recommended a photographer (who I already contacted) and a DJ so I am checking things off my to-do list left and right! I absolutely can not wait to get married at the Hotel. Being there on Monday really made everything sink in and it actually feels real now! Even in the winter, with all the plants dead and the grounds half-covered with snow, it is beautiful. In the summer... it will be simply breathtaking.

Aside from Monday, this week I have gotten back into the swing of things and the fact that deployment is actually happening and will actually be for a full year has really started to sink in. Sunday and Monday night Andrew sent me emails about 10 minutes after I went to bed. I can't express how frustrating it has been to wake up in the morning to emails from someone you love who is so far away and know that you won't be able to communicate with them for another 20 or more hours. I felt so out of the loop with Andrew's whole life, I didn't even know where he was (expect for that he wasn't to his final destination yet) and it was hard to know that if I had just stayed up 15 minutes longer I would have been able to talk to him.

Last night we had our weekly Bowling League. I love it! We are the Bowlin' Dolans (PPF, as Aunt Lori calls it: Aunt Kathy is a Past Dolan; Aunt Lori and Aunt Mary are Present Dolans; and I am the Future Dolan) and even though we (mostly me) don't have the best average, boy do we have fun- and we won 4 out of 4 games this week! It is so nice to have something to look forward to each week, and as always the Dolans are the best family I could possibly marry into! I couldn't ask for a more supportive and loving bunch of people! Everyone was excited to hear any news from Andrew, but unfortunately I didn't have any. It's tough to not have ANY news for people who also care so much about his well-being.

When I got home after bowling and dinner at Hennigans (also a weekly tradition) I thought I would be able to out-smart whatever force decided that Andrew and I shouldn't be communicating these last few days. I went to bed around 11:30 to read, but kept my iPod there so that it would ding if I got an email or Facebook Message. When it "ding-ed" (dung?!?) around midnight I was so excited! I immediately messaged Andrew back and was absolutely heartbroken when he said he only had 2 minutes left on the computer. Memories of our 5 minute calls after each 3 week phase of Ranger School came rushing back to me: each of us hurrying to say everything we felt was important in the little time we had. Not so much communicating, rather talking at each other. We did get our "I love yous" in though so will count that as a plus.

After Andrew signed off I felt defeated again. It was a let down that we didn't get to have a conversation like I have been dreaming about for the past week. Tonight hopefully I will learn my lesson and just stay up all night until I hear from my soldier. This morning I awoke to a long email from Andrew, though which made me feel a lot better about things. I got updated on which FOB (Forward Operating Base) he is at and how long he thinks he will be there (about another 2-3 days).

My favorite line of the email made me giggle. I can totally hear Andrew saying this to me:

".... so all-in-all I'm doing well. The food is good, the sleep is plentiful, the tents are warm, and we [poop] in plastic bags.  What more could a guy want in life?" 

I may have edited the "pooping" word slightly, but you get the picture. He sounds upbeat and happy. He also got word that come April he will most certainly probably get his own platoon, which is exactly what he was aiming for. He will be leading 40 men into battle and I can't think of anyone better suited for that job. It's what he has trained for, what all the blood, sweat and tears (to be clear: his blood, his sweat, my tears) during Ranger School were working towards, and it is what he is destined to do.

My Long Lost Soul Sister

Almost a year ago (WOW, can't believe how fast time passes) when Andrew first got his orders for Ranger School, I didn't know much about what it was or what to expect. At the time I thought it was months and months of NO communication and classroom training... little did I know. So I did what any good Army Girlfriend would do.... GOOGLE THAT!

I did a lot of research and I stumbled upon a message board website for the significant others and family of military members. Before that day I had never been on a message board or chat room website, so I didn't really understand how everything worked but I decided to give it a go and start a thread introducing myself and asking about Ranger School. I did so and a few girls responded on that thread within a few minutes and they were all so supportive and nice and offered some really good advice.

A day or two later I went back on the website and saw a private message in my inbox titled "Ranger School". I was confused, but I read it and it was a girl offering some answers to some of my questions and worries. She said that her boyfriend had done Ranger School a year or two earlier and explained to me in detail what it was all about.

I messaged her back and eventually we ended up sending at least one email back and forth each day. We found out that the guys were both Signal Corps, with Infantry Branch Detail. At the time, I was still living in New Hampshire, but driving down to Elizabethtown quite a bit for the good ol' job search and she was living just outside of Philadelphia.

As the months went by, we found more and more similarities. The branch transfer that Joe (her boyfriend) had put in for to go to Aviation fell through and he learned that he would be deploying in January of 2011. This was all happening while Andrew was frantically trying to switch duty stations with someone (anyone really) so that he could deploy sooner than 2012. About a month before Andrew started Ranger School he found out his transfer went through and he would be stationed at Fort Knox and gearing up for deployment.... in January of 2011.

As we continued talking we got really close. I never understood how some couples could meet online and have that "instant connection" until Laura and I started talking. I felt like I knew her, I told her everything and she was the one person I felt could truly understand what I was going through, especially with Ranger School. She and Joe got engaged only 2 a few months before Andrew and I did and it became very clear to both of us that once she came back to the states (from her long stay with Joe) that we would have to meet up somewhere between Hershey and Philadelphia.

She and Joe got married in November and she is spending as much time in Germany as she can before he leaves. We were texting each other over Christmas and we somehow realized that we would both be traveling through O'Hare Airport on December 30th... AT THE SAME TIME!

We tell each other all the time that we were destined to find each other. I can't explain how much support you can get from someone who has lived through what you are living through and knows all of the emotions/feelings/routines that are involved. We decided that this was no coincidence... it had to be fate. So we decided to meet!

I was so nervous waiting for her at my gate (since my flight got in before hers) but I talked to Andrew's mom on the phone and she said "I know you're nervous now, but as soon as you hug her it's just gonna feel like you've met a million times before". And (as usual) Mom was right! It was so great to FINALLY meet her and give her a big hug and just t a l k. It was like we'd been best friends for years! I am so lucky to have someone who knows what I am going though! It's just so weird to think that a year ago I didn't even know this girl and neither of our boyfriends were due to deploy this soon and now she is married, I'm engaged and they are deploying within a week of each other! If that's not destiny, I don't know what is.... 

Ahhhhhhhhh RANNNNGER: Festivities Post Gradation

So obviously our day didn't end with the Pinning of Andrew's Ranger Tab. But Saturday when I wrote that, it's pretty much all I could concentrate on because it was just SO HUGE!

I'm gonna try to make this a swift as possible, please enjoy my storybook!

After the Graduation ended, we took lots and lots of family pictures (because this day NEEDED DOCUMENTED!)

Then we also had to document that my parents were also there:

Uncle AJ with all the kids. This was just too cute of a series to only put one of them in, plus Gavin's sneezing face is so cute!

Then we got Andrew with all the guys from his apartment complex

A quick stop for photos at the Ranger Memorial:

Dolan & McAdams- First Bearhawks to be Ranger Qualified to serve under MSG Carter at Stonehill ROTC: this is one of my favorites!

After the ceremony and the endless parade of pictures, we all went to lunch at country's then back to the hotel to kill some time before dinner. As a whole, our lives pretty much always revolve around food. I kinda love it. I had downloaded Surviving the Cut: Army Rangers so we all gathered around and watched it in the lobby. I love Sean's face, he looks horrified about what his brother had been put through

Then we went to dinner at Buckhead Steakhouse, which was amazing, but unfortunately I have no pictures of that 4 hour span of time. After dinner we came back to the hotel and opened presents! Shannon (et al) gave Andrew a Red Sox Shirt with the coolest wrapping job EVER!

My Parents gave Andrew a RANGER flask with Kentucky Bourbon and his parents gave him a Kindle and a few gag gifts (like a box of Total Cereal which was enough to send Andrew reeling when that was what he was given at Ranger School) For some reason I can't find a picture of this either, which is weird for me

Then it was my turn to shower my Ranger with gifts and love! First up were the binders I had made with every letter we had sent each other for the past 3 1/2 months. I absolutely love this picture and the way he is looking at me

Then the big gift: THE WATCH!

Engraved on the clasp with "Rangers Lead the Way!" the year and my initials.

So Friday was an amazing day! Saturday we went to the Infantry Museum with the whole family and then everyone hit the road for the 14 hour drive back to PA. This whole weekend still doesn't seem like reality... I guess I really am just living the dream.

Pinning My Ranger

Of all the days I have lived, I think yesterday might have been my absolute favorite day EVER! Jen and I woke up at the crack of dawn (okay, that's a lie, but it felt early since I couldn't sleep the night before due to shear excitement!) We left the apartment by 8 to drive over to Camp Rogers one last time and guarantee that we had a good parking spot. There was lots of traffic, but by the time we were parked and in line it was probably 8:45. We waited for a little while and then I got a call from Andrew's mom.

Standing in line and waiting
to take our seats at Graduation.
Victory Pond in the background

They were lost and couldn't find Victory Pond! I was freaking out and so nervous that they wouldn't be able to get there in time. And if they were late how in the world was I supposed to save seats for SIXTEEN PEOPLE?! I had no idea where they were or how to tell them to get to where we were, and Shannon's GPS wasn't working (which I should have told them would happen before we left). I was getting so nervous.
Twenty minutes later, they still weren't there yet and the line we were in was slowly making its way down the hill and into the bleachers for the graduation. Jen and I got great seats and tried to save as many as possible, but only managed saving 2 for Andrew's parents which was really the only thing that mattered to me at that point. 

About ten minutes before the ceremony started, the whole family arrived! It ended up working out perfectly because Mr. & Mrs. Dolan sat with us, Sean and his family sat together, Shannon, Victor, Lillia and Gavin sat together and my parents offered to sit with Jared and Alisia. Andrew's mom kept saying "Oh I hope they behave for your parents, I feel so bad" but honestly, they LOVED spending the time with the kids! Actually Jared reminds me a lot of my dad, so intellectual and bright. I would have loved to have heard what they were talking about! And to experience the graduation with Jared (especially) must have really been a treat for my parents. He is the oldest of the nieces and nephews and at 8 1/2 he can really grasp everything his uncle went through this summer. He must have loved every second of it.

The ceremony was without a doubt the COOLEST Military Graduation I have ever or will ever see. The first 45 minutes was called Rangers in Action -- a demonstration of everything the guys had done while at Ranger School. Totally blew my mind. Here is a sample of some of the cool things my boyfriend did:

Then we had a small break and they told family and friends to make their way down to the Rangers (now lined up in formation) to pin their tabs on. This was the moment I WE had been waiting for. The past 103 (and a half- if you ask Andrew) days flashed before my eyes and disappeared at the same time. It was one of those moments in life that just don't seem real, no matter how much you pinch yourself. Jen and I stayed together (and Andrew and Zack agreed to stay together in the front of formation) so that we could find the guys easily. Andrew's parents came down with our cameras and took pictures of the pinning process. 

As Andrew handed me the tab and safety pin, he said "okay, so I'd rather have you stab me than stab your toe-thumb" (a long running joke with us- my left thumb is heinously ugly, fat, short and wide. I don't get it cause the other one is normal, but according to Andrew, it's a toe thumb) "so be careful babe".

I didn't care about stabbing or being stabbed.  It didn't matter (even though, I will admit that I was pretty nervous at that point- for whatever reason). The only thing that mattered was that this moment was real and it was happening now! 

As I concentrated on getting that safety pin through all those layers of fabric and velcro (harder than you may think) the only thing I could think to say to him was:

 "No matter what babe, nobody can ever take this away from you. You've earned it! Congratulations Ranger"

27 Aug 2010
2LT Andrew Dolan becomes Ranger Qualified

They finally got their Uncle AJ back!

Today was the day that Jared, Alisia, Lillia, Gavin, Quinn and Austin had been looking forward to all summer (not to mention Mr. and Mrs. Dolan!)!! After months without their favorite youngest uncle (Victor and Sean are awesome uncles too!) and a 14 hour drive over two days, they would finally get to see Uncle AJ!!! I made a DVD slideshow of all the pictures I could find of Andrew on my computer for everyone to watch on the drive down and put American songs in the background (like "Proud to be an American- which Lillia and Alisia know EVERY word to- so precious)! The slide show was a hit and Andrew's mom even said she cried! Not my intention, but always nice to know people appreciate your work!

Jen and I picked up the guys from Camp Rodgers around 4:30 this afternoon and after a quick stop at the apartment Andrew and I were on our way to the Dolans' hotel (he was still riding shotgun at this point) for the big reunion. As I drove up the the SpringHill Suites in Columbus I saw all the kids lined up along the fence just waiting to see Andrew! I pulled into the closest spot I could find, put the truck in park and watched as six little munchkins came running at their hero. I couldn't help but cry. It was the most touching moment you could imagine. It almost meant more to me than my reunion with Andrew yesterday (I said almost, let's not get carried away here). I knew the kids had missed him all summer and I was there to talk to them if they had questions or just wanted to talk about Uncle AJ, but I know that I can never replace him. I am finding it so hard to put into words how much this moment meant to me. To see these six kids-- who I have come to love so much in the past few years-- run towards the man I love and want to eventually start a family with was just so moving. He couldn't have been happier in that moment at Gavin (the youngest at 2 1/2) offered to share his lollipop and proceed to shove it into Andrew's face! I just stood back and took it all in!

Mom was next to get a hug, followed by a handshake and a hug from a very proud Dad! Everyone was so happy to see Andrew again and I could tell that Mr. and Mrs. Dolan were so thrilled to have their WHOLE family together again.

We took pictures galore! And nobody complained one bit! My parents also made the trip down for the graduation and it was so great to see them as always! So the 16 of us piled into 4 vehicles and headed off to dinner at the Mellow Mushroom, a local (delicious) pizza place! We had a great meal, went back to hang out at the hotel with everyone for a while and then it was time to head back to the apartment to pick up Zack and Jen and bring the boys back to the barracks for the last time!

Tomorrow is going to be an early day, but so worth it. Andrew will officially become an Army Ranger! Today he told me that he wants me to be the one to pin his tab on. I had secretly hoped he would ask me, but it is extremely unorthodox to have a girlfriend do the pinning so I am beyond honored. I can't wait to see him tomorrow and be able to say that Ranger School is officially over!!

Probably the Only Surprise I will EVER Successfully Pull Off!

Well the day finally came for me to see Andrew after 3 1/2 LONG months apart of waiting 3 weeks for a single phone call and only writing letters back and forth! I was excited for today because I knew I would finally get to jump into Andrew's arms, Andrew was excited for today because it was one day closer to seeing me and the family and because it would be his first day out of Ranger School in over 100 days. 

This morning at 12:30 I drove with McAdam's girlfriend, Jen, to Camp Rogers at Fort Benning to pick up our guys! Andrew had no clue I was coming (Jen had suggested I hide in the back of Zack's truck so that Andrew would really have no clue I was there, but as we waited and waited (for almost 2 full hours) I got too excited that I couldn't hide from him! We waited and waited outside Camp Rogers basically forever but soon the guys started piling out and all the wives and girlfriends and families started waiting around the gate looking for their Ranger to come out. Some guys were wearing ACUs and others were in Civis so neither of us had any idea what to look for!

At one point Jen ran away from me because she thought she saw Zack, but it turned out that she RAN (in a full sprint) to the wrong guy! She came back and she was so sad and embarrassed, but then we continued looking for our guys together!  A few hours minutes later Jen said "Kristina, there's Andrew! There he is!" I couldn't find him so she pointed him out again! I scanned though the mass of Rangers coming my way and when I finally met his eyes and I let out an absolute shrill of excitement! Haha! I didn't plan on screaming but that's just how it went! I RAN as fast as I could into his arms (by the time I spotted him though, be was honestly only 5 feet from me).  He was overloaded with lots of gear but he didn't even have time to drop them before I was in his arms! I didn't see the look on his face when he first saw me, but Jen said he had the biggest smile on his face and was just shaking his head in disbelief! I wish I had seen it, but I have a perfect image of how he reacted and that is second best!

After the initial hugs and kisses were over we found Jen and McAdams again and loaded all of the guys' gear into the back of the truck and Jen drove us all back to the good olde IP (Independence Place- where Zack and Andrew live). I can't express how excited Andrew was to see a Tupperware container full of his mom's famous home-made chocolate chip cookies! I don't think we had even left base before every single cookie had been eaten! 


It was so nice to hold Andrew's hand and look into his eyes as we drove back to the apartment. Everything that I had been missing for the past 100+ days was sitting there right next to me and it was everything I had dreamed it would be. I kept whispering to him "I can't believe this is real!" It was so amazing, it was so weird that everything Ranger School had put us through was all behind us. I cried for about a nanosecond and then it was like the past 3 1/2 months just disappeared. Every single moment of feeling lonely and sad, every day spent without Andrew, every worry and every last tear was worth it all for that first hug. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant seeing that smile on Andrew's face at the end of it. God,  I love that smile!

The rest of the 8(ish) hour pass was a blur. Andrew's first priorities were food and bathing! I put some laundry in while he showered and he told me after "do you know how nice it feels to shower without 60 other naked dudes around you?!" I guess it's the little things that you miss! It sure did make me giggle though! After a few phone calls to family and friends, and a jump from the landscaping company (the truck didn't take the 3 1/2 months of neglect so well) we went to Commandos and Ranger Joes to get all the Rangeriffic merchandise we could get our hands on! Commandos is my favorite, because they make every Ranger class feel special with the signage out in front of the store! We loaded up on so many t-shirts, sweatpants, shotglasses, sweatshirts, bumper stickers.... you name it, they had it! And we were all too happy to pay a small fortune for it. (Actually though, their prices were very reasonable, but it sounds better this way!)

Next up was dinner with Andrew's Ranger Buddy, Joe Shane, and his wife, Ashley, at Red Robin! They are such a cute and fun couple and she has the cutest southern accent that I am oh, so jealous of! We had lots of fun and the boys pigged out on burgers, all you can eat fries, and lots of milkshakes and Andrew's (secret) favorite, Strawberry Freckled Lemonade! After dinner we I drove back to the apartment (the guys can't drive while they are still in Ranger School so that only leaves yours truly to drive the Silver Bullet!!) where we watched Archer and played a loooooong overdue hand of Monopoly Deal!

Around 8:30 McAdams and Jen came over and it was time to take the guys back to the barracks. I got to drive again (yay me!) and then filled up the truck with gas so that that was one less thing that Andrew would have to do once he graduated. 

I can't wait to see him again tomorrow! Today was like a dream! I still can't believe this is all coming to an end! Today made everything so worth it. Now the goal is to make it through the next two days and I'll have my very own ARMY RANGER! It still doesn't seem real, but it's not stopping me from getting mighty excited!

Florida's a GO!

Yesterday was the day we were supposed to get our call from Andrew saying that he got his GO for Swamps and would be graduating this coming Friday! I was lucky enough to have a few friends who have had soldiers go through Ranger School before, so I knew that I probably shouldn't expect a call until dinner time. This made the day go by so slowly, but I wasn't stressed or worried at all during the afternoon when I hadn't heard from Andrew yet.

It was Sunday so Andrew's sister and her family were over for Sunday Night dinner after Church and his brother came over for a little while as well. I was calm until about 7:30 when dinner was over and I still hadn't heard a peep. I can't even tell you all of the crazy things that were going through my mind at that point. As everyone started to leave around nine, I was absolutely beside myself. I didn't want to admit to myself that I was thinking the WORST "recycle" but I was... and I couldn't shake that idea. I tried to keep positive and kept reminding myself that this is RANGER SCHOOL, nothing is a given and if they pissed the RIs off they could have taken away their phone privileges. I was dreading the idea of work this morning without having heard from Andrew.

Around 10 Mrs. Dolan and I decided to open a bottle of wine and play cards to get our minds off of it. She called her best friend Dottie and said we hadn't heard from Andrew yet and asked for prayers. We played a round of Skip-bo and I honestly don't even remember who won, but at 10:13 my phone started BLASTING (obviously I had it on the loudest possible setting) with an unknown number! I screamed and jumped up from the table! I was so excited! I put it on speaker and screamed "ANDREW?!?"

"Heeeeeey, Honey!" He sounded wonderful! I started absolutely bawling! I've never ever cried happy tears in my life, but I did, I just was sobbing as I asked "did you get your Go?!" even though the tone of his voice told me the answer before I even asked. I'll never forget how he answered: "Of course I did, girl!" More happy tears as his mom and I embraced!!

I honestly don't remember anything else about that conversation... except for the fact that it was the BEST phone call of my entire life... and that's saying something since it only lasted 3 minutes and 51 seconds!

This morning on my way to work, I saw this sign Andrew's mom left on the door! I can't remember the last time I was this happy!

I love that she signed it "Mom"!

Ranger School is really over! None of this seems real! So now I have lots of packing to get done, and I'm heading out of here tomorrow afternoon to surprise MY RANGER!!!!!!!!!!

The First of Many Posts Where I'll Vent About the Airlines, I'm Sure

If you know me, you know I probably have the worst luck ever when it comes to flying and airlines.

I'm a person who has been flying from a very early age routinely and I never had problems when I would fly with my family, so it must just be me. To date, of the past 8 flights I have taken (all within the past 4 months or so), EVERY SINGLE ONE has been delayed or canceled. That doesn't include the TWO 18+ inch snow storms that hit Baltimore this winter that both happened to fall on the same dates that I was supposed to see Andrew (the first at Christmas time, the second right before Valentines Day). This is not a joke, people! Its my life! It has gotten to the point where I build in time for the delay that I know is coming.

But this story doesn't involve a delay, just utter airline ridiculousness.

I booked my flight on Saturday night to go down to Atlanta early to surprise Andrew on his pass on Wednesday before Graduation. I had seen the tickets for $69 earlier that week, but obviously when I went to book they were $117 each way. On Sunday night I realized that I was flying in way too late so I called priceline and tried to change it. She said I could cancel and then re-book it free of charge, but she couldn't book it for me-- thanks lady, you were completely useless. So I canceled with her and then booked my earlier flight through US Air.

When I still hadn't gotten a confirmation email by this morning, I was a little worried. Also on a whim, I checked ticket prices and they went back down to $69! So I talked to Andrew's mom about it and she said I should call the airline and ask for a price adjustment. When I did there was no record of me on the flights! They had my voided tickets from my canceled flights, but I didn't show up anywhere else in the system! I told her I wanted to book it now and she said she would charge me $40 service charge to book it for me, so I should do it online.

As soon as I got back to work after my lunch break, I booked it at the lower rate (and received my confirmation email this time!)! I was so excited to save over $100, but seriously, I could have been flightless! Could you imagine what a nightmare that could have been?! Thankfully everything is sorted out for now!

On a separate note: Today marks exactly:

• 3 months since I have seen Andrew
• 1 month until my birthday
• (most importantly) 2 weeks until I fly down to Atlanta to surprise him! EEEKKKK! I can't wait!

Shhhhh. . . .

Surprises are fun!!

So all throughout Ranger School our plan has been that I would drive down to the Graduation with Andrew's parents, sister and her 4 kids (a 2 day trip from Central PA to Ft. Benning) and get to Benning on Thursday night just in time for Graduation the following morning.

Welp, little does Andrew know that plans are a-changing! I'm so excited! Andrew's sister-in-law talked me into (really, I didn't need much convincing, I guess I just hadn't thought out all the details) flying down a few days early and surprising Andrew on his 12 hour pass the Wednesday before he graduates! One of his buddy's (Zack) girlfriend is flying down early too (but Zack knows about) and we can both stay in his apartment (right across the hall from Andrew's) on Tuesday night before we go to Camp Rodgers on Wednesday morning and pick up the guys! I hope I can pull off the surprise, I am so excited! AND it means I get to see my man a full TWO days earlier than I had originally thought! I can't wait!

Good-bye Dahlonega, Georgia... FOREVER!

Wow, I have been seriously slacking on my blogging. Not that anyone is reading, but maybe one day I will make this all public. Who knows.

So after 3 weeks of the Mountains phase, 3 weeks of recycle at Camp Frank Merrill, and another 3 weeks to re-do mountains phase, I am happy to report that NEVER again in my life will I address another letter to Dahlonega, Georgia! What a relief! Andrew had his 4 hour pass yesterday and called to give us the good news that he is moving onto the FINAL phase: Swamps.

Friday was a terribly stressful day. I keep telling people I'll be lucky to get through Ranger School without a heart attack or ulcer or something. Sitting at work just staring at my phone waiting for it to ring is not exactly the most relaxing way to pass the time. I hate how Ranger School works on pass days: If the guys get their GO and move onto the next phase they call home on that Friday to tell their families, but if they don't get their GO and have to recycle they don't get to call until the following day. I had no idea when to expect his call, but you better believe that my phone didn't leave my side. And as any military wife/girlfriend knows, you bet your butt it came with me to the bathroom... that is just a way of life now!

The morning and early afternoon went by with no word. I was talking to another girlfriend waiting for her Ranger to call too and she hadn't heard anything either which I was looking at as a good sign. Finally at 4:45 my phone rang with "unknown caller" and a 706 number on the caller ID! Thank God everyone had already left the office because I squealed and shrieked so loudly before I picked up! I jumped up from my desk and said "HONEY! HIIIIIIIIIII!" Andrew's giggle on the other end warmed my heart. I miss his laugh, his smile, his smell-- everything about him-- and that giggle just reminded me that he is still the Andrew I know and love. I started blabbing out everything I could think of and he said "Honey, slow down... I only have like 5 minutes". I was so sad, so we just covered the important things, mainly business but we squeezed in about a thousand "I love yous" before we finally had to hang up. Some highlights:

• Andrew got his GO for Mountains on the first night of the phase, but the RI's (Ranger Instructors) didn't tell them if they were a GO or no-GO until the last night of the phase. He was pretty confident that he was a GO though because one of the RIs told him that he "set the standard"! Seriously, I couldn't be more proud of my man!
• He said its a weird feeling to leave the mountains after nine weeks. He hated it there, but he was comfortable, so he almost didn't want to leave.
• The guys really looked up to him as a leader since he had done the phase before. Even when he wasn't in an assigned leadership position, he noticed that guys would mimic what he was doing.
• He told me "Its a weird feeling. For the past five or six years all I could think about or talk about was Ranger School and now I'm two weeks away from being completely done with it. There has been so much build up, I just can't believe it's finally happening!"

That's pretty much it. It was hard to say goodbye, because I wasn't prepared for such a short call, but it was so totally completely 100% worth it to talk to Andrew again. I forgot all of the things that I had wanted to tell him, but it didn't matter, I got to hear his voice (however tired he may have sounded- it was still him!) and hear "I love you" for the first time in three weeks.

Now we have less than three weeks to go until Ranger School Graduation! The plans are being made and everything is falling into place! I can't wait to wrap my arms around my ARMY RANGER!

Letters From Home

Since the night going into Ranger School, I have been writing to Andrew daily. In the beginning, he told me not to send more than one or two letters per phase, but I still felt the need to put down into words what I was feeling/doing each night. So I would write bullet points (lovingly referred to as my Twitter Updates now) each night before I went to bed and sent a week's worth in one envelope. I decided to make copies of every letter I sent so that if they got destroyed, Andrew and I would always have them to look back on. 

As Mountains started for the first time, Andrew requested more letters, so I started writing every other day and sending them whenever I wrote them. I am so glad I have been making copies of them, it is so neat to look back on my journey while the love of my life is off achieving his dreams.

Today I went to Staples and got some binders and plastic sheets to put all of my copied letters in. Along with the daily pages that Andrew writes about Ranger School and sends home, I think it looks pretty cool!

UPDATE:

Tonight (August 10th) I went over to Aunt Loris and made Andrew's "Book" as he calls it look a little more presentable! Hope he likes it!

Inside

Front Cover

Aunt Lori and Aunt Mary helped me so much! I can't wait to give it to my Ranger, hopefully in only a few more weeks! I LOVE CRAFTS!

Keep Chuggin' Along

This morning when I woke up I was excited to know that I only had 2 more days until I would hear from Andrew. I was getting ready (actually ahead of schedule for once in my life... imagine that) when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and threw the phone on the bed when I didn't recognize the number. Then I realized it could have been a call about the watch I had just ordered for Andrew last night or something so I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Honey."

My world came crashing down. What was happening? WHY? So many thoughts going through my head. The only thing I could think to say was: "Andrew?! Why are you calling me?"

"They recycled me"

Crushed again. So many thoughts came flooding through my mind. This changed everything. I can't even put into words all of the emotions I felt. I had so many questions and I know I didn't handle the news as gracefully as I would have liked, but it was just so out of the blue.

So here is the (very revised and shortened) story: Andrew had his "GO" for Mountains Phase and was 40 hours away from completing the final FTX of the phase when one of his buddies (who was assigned to be the gunner) was really struggling to continue on. So Andrew offered to take his gun so that the other guy would be carrying less weight and it would be easier for him to complete the mission. Some amount of time later they got into an ambush and since Andrew was now carrying the machine gun he took the place of the gunner. The gun jammed and as he was trying to clear it he accidentally fired it. It is called an Negligent Discharge and is a serious offense in Ranger School and everywhere else in the Army. Many times an ND is enough to "Day 1" you, meaning you start Ranger School completely over, but since he was so close to completing the phase, the RIs and the commanders only gave him a Mountain's recycle. I liked what Andrew's dad said about the situation: "Its a heart-breaker, but its not a deal-breaker" I am going to live my life (until the end of Ranger School at least) trying to find the silver lining and realizing that it could have been SO.MUCH.WORSE!

That phone call was the single worst call of my life. It was so difficult to talk to Andrew and hear him re-live it all and just be so down on himself. I have never heard Andrew's voice sound the way it did during our 10 minute and 7 second conversation this morning, but I will spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to ensure that I NEVER hear that in his voice EVER again.

So now; what this means for us: The next 3 and a half weeks, Andrew will be in lock-down with the other recycles at Ft. Merrill in Dahlonega, GA waiting for the next cycle to start up again.

The Bad:

• This adds 6 additional weeks to Ranger School (3 for the waiting period, 3 to repeat the cycle)
• He will start up again the day after he was supposed to graduate if he had gotten a "first time GO" of Ranger School
• Andrew is beyond devastated and so down on himself. I hope that in the coming days (maybe weeks) he will come to see this as a blessing in disguise and realize that this is not the end of the world. Until that time I am going to try to keep him happy and not dwell on the situation.

The Good:

• Nightly Phonecalls!! (The thought of this is enough to make me absolutely giddy after these past six weeks of letters being our ONLY form of communication)
• RECHARGE! Andrew will be eating three meals a day for the next three weeks and will get to sleep over 8 hours a night (plus naps during the day). His body is definitely feeling the effects of Ranger School at this point. To date he has lost over 25 pounds since leaving for Ranger School 6 weeks ago.
• He will have a major advantage when the phase starts up again since he has done it all before and he already earned his GO once before. He is confident that he can do it all again. 

For now, I am trying to focus on the positives, but I am devastated too. I want this for Andrew just as badly as he wants it for himself. The most touching part of our conversation was when he told me "the worst part of all of this is that now I won't get to see you until almost September". I miss my man so much and that is the worst part for me, but I would have thought the worst part for him would be going through all that Hell all over again.


I had been listening to Luke Bryan's CD last night on my way home and when I turned my car on this morning to go to work after we talked, the song "Keep Chuggin' Along" was playing. The first words that came out of my speakers were:

"When you look back over your shoulder at everything you've done, put the good times in your pocket, let the bad ones make you strong and keep chuggin' along."

I sat in the driveway and just cried. I have never been one to really believe in "signs" but it was like someone, somewhere was trying to tell me that everything was going to be okay. It has to be okay. Luke Bryan has always been one of my favorite artists, but this particular songs was never really one of my favorites. But this morning it really spoke to me. I know there are better days ahead of us.


Luckily I was working at Sean's today so when I came in (late and clearly upset/still crying whenever anyone talked to me) he gave me the morning off to gather my thoughts. I am so thankful to have the Dolans, they are such an amazing family.

I didn't know where to go, so I just drove and ended up at Church. I prayed like I have never prayed before. I prayed that God would take away all of Andrew's pain and frustration and disappointment and give it all to me. He needs to recharge and focus on what is ahead of him, not dwell on the past.

After church (I honestly have no idea how long I was there for) I decided I needed a good, solid shopping spree! I went to the outlets in Lancaster and boy, oh boy did I shop!!!! I bought a great dress for Andrew's graduation and two pairs of shoes from Nine West among other things that I definitely do not need. It felt good to spend some money without thinking and just focusing on cute outfits instead of stressing over the fact that I won't see my man for another 9 weeks.

After shopping I went to Sonic for one of those slushy drinks. The woman who brought it out to my car completely caught me off-guard when she asked if my boyfriend was in the military (she must have seen my adorable license place frame-- I ♥ a US Soldier) I told her that he was a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army. She said, in her thick southern accent, "well you be sure to thank him for everything he does for all of us back home. My little boy and I sure do appreciate everything he sacrifices so that we can live the life we do". I started crying (for about the millionth time today) on the spot. How thoughtful! I told her I would be sure to tell him. It is unbelievable that I have been driving around with that on my car for months and not a soul has said a word to me about it until this day--the day I get this terrible news. I needed to hear that, just another one of those signs that everything is going to be okay. It has to be okay.

And we will keep chuggin' along.