Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 16

Oh, Thursday, Thursday Thursday... we meet again.

Am I mis-counting? I can't believe I'm already on my 16th DPT! I'm not gonna lie, it feels pretty awesome to officially be into MAY, about to be completely done with four full months!

This week has been full of excitement from many different areas of my life. On Saturday my brother's girlfriend came up to Hershey from DC and we went to a great country concert together! One thing I really miss about Andrew being gone is going to country shows together, so it was awesome to be able to go with Em. Our senior year of college, Andrew and I must have gone to at least 10 different concerts together, and each has a very special memory that I will always hold close to my heart. Whether it be meeting Luke Bryan (remember that name, folks, you'll be hearing a song or two of his at our wedding) or walking along the beach after seeing Josh Turner on a late summer night in New Hampshire, each one has had it's own highlights that I re-live every time I hear their songs on my ipod or the radio.

Sunday was also a big day, as one Miss Alisia took her First Holy Communion! She has been counting the weeks until this day, and she is so excited that we are both going to take our first communion in the same year. Of course, the sad part of the day was when she told me how much she missed Uncle AJ and asked why deployment couldn't be like Ranger School where he comes home after 3 1/2 months (PS- as of this week, deployment has officially been longer than Ranger School. Yay? I guess that's an accomplishment of sorts). It was hard for me to explain, but I think all of her sadness disappeared when I came running up to her in line to take pictures with Father Dave and told her that someone special was on the phone. (I know, I know, I really shouldn't have answered it in church, but it's not every day I get a call from Afghanistan, you know. This was exactly the fifth time I have heard Andrew's voice since he has been gone. Can you blame me?) I think Ali was pretty excited about the call; what do you think?:

This was such a touching moment, I had tears welling in my eyes seeing that smile on Alisia's face. It was so hard for her and Andrew to hear each other, but I don't think it mattered to either one of them. She had her own special moment with Uncle AJ on her special day!

Sunday, of course, came the news of Osama bin Laden's death! I don't think I have  definitely haven't watched the news this much as I have this week since years ago; probably since 9/11. I- along with most of our country- am captivated by this. I thought the Royal Wedding was big news, but this just blows it out of the water. I heard somebody say "Hey, England! We'll take your wedding and raise you a funeral!" It's nice to be able to joke about it, but I did get a kick out of that. Lots of people have been asking me what the troops are seeing in response to this and what their reaction is. Honestly, I can't say much because of OPSEC, but Andrew says that our guys are excited, but it doesn't change all that much. We're still at war with the Taliban; bin Laden was the leader of al Qaeda. Hopefully in the coming weeks, this will continue to help to boost morale. The one thing that I have been loving about all of this is seeing America (for the most part) coming out and showing support for the troops again and showing that "united we stand"-ness that was so prevalent in the months following 9/11. It is a beautiful thing to experience as a military significant other; regardless of what it stems from. I love that people have been coming out of the woodwork to rally and show their support for our brave men and women who serve.

The rest of the week was absolutely crazy. Work is getting out of control lately, as we only have about 2 weeks until our biggest event of the year in Orlando. I'm excited to go, but I won't be able to relax until exactly 3 weeks from this moment with the event is OVER and Mom Dolan and I can just relax and enjoy everything Disney has to offer. I feel like I'm counting down the seconds! The best part is that we get back on May 31 which means the very next day will be June, that feels like it's right around the corner!

Mom has been working on putting together cookbooks for her Non-Profit Organization, Children's Playroom, for the past several months, and the whole project came to a head this week. I've been helping her put everything together for several hours each night. It's ridiculous, because it shouldn't be fun work, it should be daunting and depressing and completely overwhelming, but the two of us just couldn't stop laughing and having fun the whole time. She truly is an amazing woman!

Other reasons to be positive and upbeat today:
- I came home to two of the most smiley little faces (Lillia and Gavin) that came RUNNING up to me and demanding hugs from Aunt Tina. Best. Feeling. Ever!
- I saw ads on TV for season finales of some of the shows I watch! YAY! I never thought summer re-runs would come, I feel like we are finally making some headway in this deployment!
- Yesterday marked the 15 month pre-wedding mark! WOW, we're getting down to the real-time now! It's still hard to believe! After Florida I really have to hunker down and get some of this planning done or ya'll are going to be sorely disappointed when our wedding day actually comes! Don't worry though, we're promising one heck of a party, and you bet your boots we're going to deliver on that promise!
- Andrew's roommate, Jordan (also deployed to Afghanistan), is currently on his way home for his Midtour leave! Although we won't see him, it's good to know that at least for a few weeks he is out of harm's way and enjoying all the best things this fine country has to offer. Plus, it's another one of those things that seemed so far away when deployment started. Just another little step to check off that huge deployment list.

Slowly but surely, and day by day, we are making our way through this beast.

Keep Chuggin' Along

This morning when I woke up I was excited to know that I only had 2 more days until I would hear from Andrew. I was getting ready (actually ahead of schedule for once in my life... imagine that) when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and threw the phone on the bed when I didn't recognize the number. Then I realized it could have been a call about the watch I had just ordered for Andrew last night or something so I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Honey."

My world came crashing down. What was happening? WHY? So many thoughts going through my head. The only thing I could think to say was: "Andrew?! Why are you calling me?"

"They recycled me"

Crushed again. So many thoughts came flooding through my mind. This changed everything. I can't even put into words all of the emotions I felt. I had so many questions and I know I didn't handle the news as gracefully as I would have liked, but it was just so out of the blue.

So here is the (very revised and shortened) story: Andrew had his "GO" for Mountains Phase and was 40 hours away from completing the final FTX of the phase when one of his buddies (who was assigned to be the gunner) was really struggling to continue on. So Andrew offered to take his gun so that the other guy would be carrying less weight and it would be easier for him to complete the mission. Some amount of time later they got into an ambush and since Andrew was now carrying the machine gun he took the place of the gunner. The gun jammed and as he was trying to clear it he accidentally fired it. It is called an Negligent Discharge and is a serious offense in Ranger School and everywhere else in the Army. Many times an ND is enough to "Day 1" you, meaning you start Ranger School completely over, but since he was so close to completing the phase, the RIs and the commanders only gave him a Mountain's recycle. I liked what Andrew's dad said about the situation: "Its a heart-breaker, but its not a deal-breaker" I am going to live my life (until the end of Ranger School at least) trying to find the silver lining and realizing that it could have been SO.MUCH.WORSE!

That phone call was the single worst call of my life. It was so difficult to talk to Andrew and hear him re-live it all and just be so down on himself. I have never heard Andrew's voice sound the way it did during our 10 minute and 7 second conversation this morning, but I will spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to ensure that I NEVER hear that in his voice EVER again.

So now; what this means for us: The next 3 and a half weeks, Andrew will be in lock-down with the other recycles at Ft. Merrill in Dahlonega, GA waiting for the next cycle to start up again.

The Bad:

• This adds 6 additional weeks to Ranger School (3 for the waiting period, 3 to repeat the cycle)
• He will start up again the day after he was supposed to graduate if he had gotten a "first time GO" of Ranger School
• Andrew is beyond devastated and so down on himself. I hope that in the coming days (maybe weeks) he will come to see this as a blessing in disguise and realize that this is not the end of the world. Until that time I am going to try to keep him happy and not dwell on the situation.

The Good:

• Nightly Phonecalls!! (The thought of this is enough to make me absolutely giddy after these past six weeks of letters being our ONLY form of communication)
• RECHARGE! Andrew will be eating three meals a day for the next three weeks and will get to sleep over 8 hours a night (plus naps during the day). His body is definitely feeling the effects of Ranger School at this point. To date he has lost over 25 pounds since leaving for Ranger School 6 weeks ago.
• He will have a major advantage when the phase starts up again since he has done it all before and he already earned his GO once before. He is confident that he can do it all again. 

For now, I am trying to focus on the positives, but I am devastated too. I want this for Andrew just as badly as he wants it for himself. The most touching part of our conversation was when he told me "the worst part of all of this is that now I won't get to see you until almost September". I miss my man so much and that is the worst part for me, but I would have thought the worst part for him would be going through all that Hell all over again.


I had been listening to Luke Bryan's CD last night on my way home and when I turned my car on this morning to go to work after we talked, the song "Keep Chuggin' Along" was playing. The first words that came out of my speakers were:

"When you look back over your shoulder at everything you've done, put the good times in your pocket, let the bad ones make you strong and keep chuggin' along."

I sat in the driveway and just cried. I have never been one to really believe in "signs" but it was like someone, somewhere was trying to tell me that everything was going to be okay. It has to be okay. Luke Bryan has always been one of my favorite artists, but this particular songs was never really one of my favorites. But this morning it really spoke to me. I know there are better days ahead of us.


Luckily I was working at Sean's today so when I came in (late and clearly upset/still crying whenever anyone talked to me) he gave me the morning off to gather my thoughts. I am so thankful to have the Dolans, they are such an amazing family.

I didn't know where to go, so I just drove and ended up at Church. I prayed like I have never prayed before. I prayed that God would take away all of Andrew's pain and frustration and disappointment and give it all to me. He needs to recharge and focus on what is ahead of him, not dwell on the past.

After church (I honestly have no idea how long I was there for) I decided I needed a good, solid shopping spree! I went to the outlets in Lancaster and boy, oh boy did I shop!!!! I bought a great dress for Andrew's graduation and two pairs of shoes from Nine West among other things that I definitely do not need. It felt good to spend some money without thinking and just focusing on cute outfits instead of stressing over the fact that I won't see my man for another 9 weeks.

After shopping I went to Sonic for one of those slushy drinks. The woman who brought it out to my car completely caught me off-guard when she asked if my boyfriend was in the military (she must have seen my adorable license place frame-- I ♥ a US Soldier) I told her that he was a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army. She said, in her thick southern accent, "well you be sure to thank him for everything he does for all of us back home. My little boy and I sure do appreciate everything he sacrifices so that we can live the life we do". I started crying (for about the millionth time today) on the spot. How thoughtful! I told her I would be sure to tell him. It is unbelievable that I have been driving around with that on my car for months and not a soul has said a word to me about it until this day--the day I get this terrible news. I needed to hear that, just another one of those signs that everything is going to be okay. It has to be okay.

And we will keep chuggin' along.