Friday, September 16, 2011

Deployment Positive Thursday- Week 35

I think I have intentionally been avoiding my blog lately. It would have been easy to have a huge long post about the significance of September 11th and what it means to all of us each and every day, but by now my opinions are pretty clear to those of you reading my blog. It was an emotional day, and for some reason I just didn't feel quite right bringing it to the blogosphere.

I will say that I was touched to see our country once again come together and show the unity we once had. I wish it could be like that every day, not just on certain dates we mark on our calendars, but I suppose we are taking a collective 'baby step' in the right direction.

The weekend of September 11th was also spent celebrating my birthday! Yup!! The big 2-5!! It's hard to believe that little old me is really that... Old... But I guess I'm getting used to it. I had a great weekend down in dc with my brother and his girlfriend (who, if I havent previously mentioned, I LOVE!) and we went to the Toby Keith concert on Saturday which was my actual birthday. He is amazing live, I highly recommend going to see him if you have the opportunity, but being that it was the "eve of September 11th" as he said so many times, it was particularly emotional and special for me. He is probably the most patriotic country singer who has ever lived and watching him pull soldiers onto the stage and sing songs like "American Soldier", "Courtesy of the red white and blue" and "Made in America" brought tears to my eyes. Hearing Toby say "thank god for all our heros fighting out there every day so that we can be here and have some fun tonight" gave me chills. It was a tough moment, and it made me miss Andrew almost more than I had at any other time this year.

Missing a soldier is hard to explain to people who don't live our life. It's not like when your husband goes on a business trip for a week or when your daughter studies abroad for a few months. Yes, there is an element of worry, but you have to put that out of your mind to a certain extent. Going a whole year without Andrew can sometimes be easier than just a week or two. It's hard to explain, but since it is such a long time, you just go through the motions without him here, almost like droning. You become numb to the "pain" of missing him simply because your body won't let you feel that way for months on end.

But there are moments in these long separations that my mind kicks me right back to the "I need him here now" mentality and I hate it so much. That concert was one of those moments. I didn't want to wait another second. Another was when we lost a solider in the community a few months ago. Or when one of the kids says something particularly cute about how proud they are of their ranger. I guess I go into emotion overload and that barrier I've been keeping up for so long gets torn down.

So yes, I did shed a tear or two at that concert, not only because I missed Andrew, but also for the devastation our country going through ten years ago. (andrew will give me a hard time about that for sure, but it's the truth so whatcha gonna do?) Here are some of the highlights from the weekend:














Life for me other than that lately has been busy Great and busy. I'm looking forward to a few days of relaxing with my mom in town this weekend, then gearing up for a big Yankees Red Sox weekend in New York before we kick off another event for work. I'm looking forward to the event being over, not only for the post-stress relief I will feel, but also because it means I am that much closer to seeing my soldier.

Oh yeah, that soldier of mine. Remember him? He's busy too, just loving life and kicking bad-guy butt! Leave got moved AGAIN, but this time because we asked for it, and the army actually granted it, which is pretty out of character. Leave will happen a few weeks later in the month, but it allows us more flexibility (and I was worried about crossover between leave and our conference for work) and by the time Andrew goes back to the sandbox, it will be november! Huge mental milestone!!

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